Look Intently

It's been a long time...

2012-01-23T17:37:00.000-05:00

It has been brought to my attention that this blog hasn't been updated in a really long time. That's true, since it's almost been 4 months.

Anyway, if you are tracking with me and my ministry world, you know that a lot has happened over the past few months: I'm leading both KCF and the multi-ethnic fellowship at McMaster, I spent a few days in Mexico City debriefing my Bangladesh GP experience, there was a Bangladesh GP reunion where a lot of good reconciliation happened, and God is doing some incredible things among my students.

It has also been a tough few months, with my grandma being diagnosed with cancer and having surgery and Dan's (my boyfriend) grandfather passed away in September.

I also had the opportunity of a lifetime to travel to Asia solo for 3 weeks, spending 1 week in Hong Kong and 2 weeks in Seoul with a dear friend and MacKCF alumni. All in all, it's been quite the few months.

I promise better and more frequent updates over the next few months. There's a lot happening here at McMaster and God is on the move. If you remember this ministry in prayer, please pray for the non-believers we are inviting to study Scripture with us over the next 2 weeks. There are a few special Bible studies starting specifically for non-believing students and we are excited to see these friends come to know Jesus!

Here we go again...

2011-09-11T17:45:00.000-04:00

Year 5 of campus ministry. Oh my, how time flies. There's more work and more responsibilities, but it comes with more fun too. I've learned a few lessons over the past 4 years and I will apply it to what I do in the next year. Mainly, I'm going to try group discipleship since I have more students to disciple and develop into Kingdom leaders.

As I get older, there's also more to do in terms of my life. Friends are getting married this year, I have 3 new housemates, I'm in a long distance relationship and thinking about marriage, and I have sick grandparents. All in all, nothing is simpler and easier. As life goes on, everything gets a bit more complicated and more challenging.

Yet, it does get more fun and I'm thankful for that. Despite all that I have to do this year, I have set a goal to have fun. Whether it's with my housemates, my students, with my family, or with Dan, we're going to have fun!

So stay tuned. There will be stories of joy, suffering, and fun on this blog for the upcoming year.

Campus Minister = Interpreter

2011-07-28T16:32:00.001-04:00

As I was cleaning my bathroom today, I was reflecting a lot on Bangladesh, what happened, and my role as the director. My staff team and I, along with last year's director, met yesterday to debrief what we did well and what we need to improve on. It was a great time and I learned a lot about myself, how I lead, and the areas I need to grow in.

Back to today. I was washing the shower, very focused on scrubbing the walls. Out of nowhere, a thought pops into my head: "My job as a director, and as a campus minister, is to re-interpret situations for my team and my students". This thought never crossed my mind while I was in Bangladesh. I wish that it did, because it would have helped me focus on what I needed to do.

When you're leading a Global Partnership, there's always 37 things on your mind, plus another 4 people asking questions. It's hard to take space, gain perspective, and lead well. That was my downfall this time and it made me lead from a reactionary posture, rather than leading with vision and having others follow me.

That's probably why I forgot my job was to re-interpret situations for my team, in their placements, in the people they saw, and in the thoughts going through their mind. This led to a lot of confusion and questions of what we were doing and why. Nevertheless, God used our team to make an impact on the Bangladeshi people and He certainly impacted us.

I will spend more time thinking about what it means that my job is to re-interpret experiences and situations for my students on campus. For now, though, I marvel again at how God uses imperfect people, like me. to do His will.

All we need is love...

2011-07-26T21:22:00.000-04:00

It's been 6 weeks since I've returned from Bangladesh. I've had time to rest, but I've also had time to think. And through it all, God has been faithful and speaking very clearly to me, but very patiently too. In the past 2 weeks, He's showing me how I need to work on loving others, especially those who are hard to love.

This is scary, but it's also exciting. It's something I've struggled with for a long time and I always admire my friends who are so loving to everyone they meet. I want to be like that, I want to be love because God first loved us. I don't want to withhold love. I want it to change relationships and change the world.

I don't want to love someone because they are lovable or they do something to deserve my love. I want to love because that's what we do as Christians. This will be hard, but I can foresee numerous opportunities to learn this lesson. This is definitely very gracious of God, and for that, I am thankful.

A Great Story...

2011-07-06T17:42:00.001-04:00

On vacation, I was reading a book by Donald Miller called A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. This book documents his life as he was writing the screenplay to his much more famous book, Blue Like Jazz. As he was writing his life into a movie, he realized how boring it had become. He reflects on life and what makes a story great and captivating.

This made me think a lot about the story of my life and the stories of those around me. What would our life story look like if it was made into a movie? Would is be a hit at the box office? Would it put audiences to sleep? Would it be so boring that no one would ever want to make a movie out of it?

Reading this book has made me think about ministry and the stories I want my students to tell. I want them to live a life so incredible that people would be dying to watch the screenplay. I want our whole KCF community to live out a story so amazing this upcoming school year that we'll think it's a dream, but it's actually a reality.

There are some key components to a great story and if you're curious as to what they are, I'll let you brainstorm or read the book. All I know is that I want my life to be a great story and I want my students and MacKCF to create and live a great story this year.

True joy...

2011-06-23T17:40:00.001-04:00

Bangladesh was not what I expected. Well, the country of Bangladesh was the same, except it was a lot cleaner and nicer looking because of the Cricket World Cup. My experience was Bangladesh was not what I expected. Looking back, if I knew what would have happened, I would have not said yes. Luckily, God knew that, so He convicted me in October 2010 that I had to lead, no matter the circumstance.

What a journey it has been. Those of you who receive e-mails from me know that it was a hard time, with numerous medical issues and spiritual heart issues, but God was faithful and we came together as a team to form an incredible family. There's still a lot of work and reconciliation to be done, but we're on our way.

One lesson I learned was God's relentless love for me and for our team. We would repent and turn away from our sins, but we would turn back to them, again and again. Just as faithfully, God would give us opportunities to turn and seek true repentance. It was Day 40 when we had our minds and hearts fully changed and chose a different option.

We pursued trust for one another, speaking with grace and truth, honesty, and true love, rather than suspicion, fear, and lies. There was an incredible change as I witnessed an undeniable joy that filled the room. It came because we went through suffering. We went through hard work. We went through the wilderness and we were ready to do the mission of God and proclaim the Good News.

Being on this journey gives me an immense hope that this won't be the only time I witness something so profound. Paul's words ring true that the Gospel brings about suffering and joy (see 2 Timothy). When we really suffer, we understand joy in a way we wouldn't have before. I am glad we suffered because we won't settle for lame joy anymore. We want a joy that comes from God, one that can't be taken away when life brings hardships.

Sticking it out...

2011-04-02T22:36:00.000-04:00

April is a reflective month for me, as I function on a September-April cycle. I have been thinking a lot about this year, the things I have learned about myself, God, my students, and ministry. My eyes have been opened to the norms of our society and it makes me sad.

As I was chatting with my supervisor, we both verbalized our frustration and sadness with students who are consumers of campus ministries. They go to each fellowship and get involved with the best parts, but never fully give themselves to a community. I understand the rational behind this because you can get the best of everything.

Yet, I see how this deprives our current generation of characteristics that make them better people: perseverance, dealing with conflict, learning about forgiveness, seeing good come out of hardship, just to name a few. We are inundated with consumerism in our society, so I don't blame students for having this mentality. I think we aren't aware of it and when someone calls us out of it, we become defensive because it's the way the world works.

My hope and desire is that students learn to commit, through the good and hard times, because they will see God's faithfulness when they push through the hard times. They will rejoice better when times of growth come, they will celebrate better when they or their friends overcome hardship or sin.

I'm aware that I'm fighting against the mentality of a whole generation, so this task won't be easy. I won't give up, though, because I know the joy and life that comes from being committed to something, someone, or some group. Like the Kingdom, it will start small but I believe that it will grow.

Short term pain or instant gratification...

2011-03-22T17:47:00.001-04:00

I've been in situations over the past week where I've had to actively pursue conflict or speaking truth. And let me tell you, it is hard and I want to avoid it at all costs. I want to ignore sin, hurt, and brokenness, but God is showing me that it is too big to just shove into a closet and deal with later.

Instead, He's been gently asking me whether I want to have instant gratification, pretend everything is fine, and then have the issue manifest itself in a greater way, or whether I want to deal with the situation now, deal with the awkwardness, breaking of trust, and conflict, but see reconciliation and healing come after a period of hard work.

Before, I would choose the first option. These days, though, I would rather pick the second one, even though it takes me some time and some prompting from my friends to pick it. I just don't want to deal with conflict and all the consequences it brings: having to communicate more, knowing the other person may be mad at me, and being careful of how I portray myself.

Yet, God is reminding me that settling for mediocrity and semi-wholeness just doesn't cut it. In ignoring the issue, that's exactly what I'm doing. In pursuing conflict and reconciliation, I'm choosing holiness and complete healing, the Kingdom way.

I'm praying for patience and love as I do this and complete wisdom, because I really don't know what I'm doing. I just know that it's needed and that it's good.

Tis the Season...

2011-03-13T23:00:00.000-04:00

It's just one of those seasons of my life, where I know a lot of people who are in hospitals and who aren't doing well physically. I feel like my part-time job could be hospital visits and seeing friends who have loved ones in the hospital. It's making life busy, but it's also giving me opportunities to care for people in ways I never have before.

I am thankful that my schedule allows me to do ministry but also care well for friends. There aren't many jobs that let individuals do that. I'm not locked in to the regular 9-5, but I make my own schedule and in this season, it's extremely helpful.

I'm asking God to show me why so many people in my life are sick right now, but I know that I am growing in sympathy for those who are suffering. It's also challenging me to be family for those who might not have their family close by, which is part of what it means to be in God's Kingdom.

My Lent Challenge...

2011-03-08T22:39:00.000-05:00

I rarely participate in the season of Lent, but this year, I was challenged by my pastor in Hamilton to participate in a joint church activity. He challenged us to meet with 3 different people each week: 1 person from our church, 1 friend, and 1 other person who we could pick.

It's exciting to me to have this opportunity, but it also feels hard. It's part of my job to meet with people, so in order to participate in this challenge, I need to meet with people in addition to what I normally do. There are some people who come to mind, but the more I think about it, the more I wonder whether that person wants to talk to me.

So, I've learned that instead of thinking about it, I just need to do it. It's good to meet with people and get to know them in a deeper way and in a context that is different than the one we're used to. It will be fun to see what happens in the next 6 weeks since I long to build stronger community in Hamilton.

Do You Have Ears?

2011-03-04T15:49:00.001-05:00

This conference changed my life 6 years ago. I wouldn't be where I am now without having spent a week intensely studying the first half of the Gospel of Mark.

I'm hoping that at least 12 of my students go to the same conference this year and have the same experience, if not, an even better one, than me.

Fixing my eyes on God...

2011-02-26T22:41:00.000-05:00

This week has been filled with lessons about what it means to fix my eyes not on myself, but on God. My car was in an accident this week with my friend at the wheel. He is fine, but the car is not. When I think about how I could have reacted and how I actually did react, I know that God was fully present.

Rather than be mad, God reminded me of how He takes these incidents to show more of Himself to me and how He is working on the character of my friends and family. He did not cause the accident, but through it, He has orchestrated those of us involved to be together in it, for the sake of further growth in ourselves.

Every time I fix my eyes on myself, I get scared, don't know what to do, and start to wonder why I'm in this situation. Graciously, though, God always nudges me to look at Him, to remember how He is faithful and how He has always provided for me.

So I will continue to fix my eyes on Him, because He reminds me of my rightful place and that at the end of the day, it's just a car. What's most important is that my friend is fine, we all learn from this experience, and that we become more the people we were intended to be. If all of that happens, then all the headache, hardships, and frustrations of dealing with the insurance company and figuring out finances is worth it.

Getting to the source...

2011-02-13T17:51:00.001-05:00

As I was meeting with a student this week, I was reminded of how much our parents want the best for us, but sometimes, it doesn't turn out for good. This one student was talking about how he has no motivation to study because his parents usually would tell him when to stop playing and when to start studying in high school.

It made me realize that a temporary, band-aid solution isn't helpful. His parents wanted him to do well in school, so they just told him when to do it, especially when he didn't care for it. What needed to happen was to help him figure out how to motivate himself.

It's more helpful to dig deeper, to get to the source of the problem, and then create new ways of coping or fixing the problem. It is hard work because it will bring a lot of frustration. It's easy to tell someone what to do, but it's harder to give them the freedom to choose what to do.

So I'm reminded that my job is not to give a temporary solution to students, but to guide them to get to the source, so that they can be changed and transformed into the people who God intended them to be.

No middle ground...

2011-01-23T22:17:00.000-05:00

Ministry has been both good and hard over the past few weeks. Whenever I am asked to describe how ministry is going, I tell people that it is full of joy and a lot of hardship at the same time. This is true for my work at McMaster with Korean Christian Fellowship, but I also have seen it in Global Partnership planning.

As I reflect on last year's team, I have heard some students make decisions to do an internship with Inter-Varsity next year, which really excites me. They want to be discipled and trained to live out the Kingdom even more in their lives. Yet, I have also heard some students decide that they don't feel like they can follow Jesus anymore, and that makes me grieve. I don't want this to be true. I experienced God work in ways that I have never seen and I know these students did too.

It just makes me realize that there is no middle ground. Either you are orienting your life towards Jesus or you are orienting your life away from Him. You can't just stand still and not make a decision. It's in moments like this that I wish there was a middle ground, so that these students wouldn't be in the place of not being a believer anymore.

Yet, I am also grateful there is no middle ground. It means we have to make a decision, that we can't be stagnant or lukewarm. My prayer is that my students make a decision, either way. I will rejoice with them if they choose to follow Jesus, but I will mourn with them if they choose to turn away.

Starring at the sky or waiting for some fire...

2011-01-11T22:43:00.001-05:00

I don't know if you've had experiences in your life where what you hear and what you think about all relate. It's like everyone is trying to tell you the same thing and that's when you know something is going on.

There's been a sense in me for a while of wanting more, from myself, from others, and most importantly, from God. I know it started in June, when I attended a staff gathering right after coming home from Bangladesh. We studied Exodus 32-26, and in the middle of it, Moses asks God to show him more of Himself. Moses! He was a man who God called His friend and he still wanted more of God!

So, these thoughts and desires have been percolating for a while. And finally, I feel like something is about to happen, something I haven't experienced before. I went to church on Sunday and my pastor was talking about being lukewarm and how we need to snap out of it. I witnessed people step up and say they want to change. It was exciting, especially since I had made a similar decision at National Staff Conference just a month ago.

I've been talking to my students about this for the past week and the consensus is the same. They think KCF is headed in the right direction, but they want more than they see right now. They know there's more to come.

So this week is all about that. My small group and I had a great conversation tonight about not wanting to leave small group anymore and forgetting the text that we studied. We want it to penetrate every aspect of our lives, so that we don't even think about it, we just live it out. We want to be a blessing to the students in residence, rather than being comfortable and making the small group just about us.

I'm delivering a large group talk based on Acts 1.1-11. Jesus gets taken up into heaven and the disciples just stare into the sky. Two heavenly beings appear and remind them to go to Jerusalem, so that they can receive the Holy Spirit and shake up the world.

The choice is ours. We can either stare into the sky and wait for Jesus to come back or we can gather together, pray, and wait patiently for the Spirit to come again. My hope and prayer is that we, as a community, will choose the latter option and set our campus free from its bondage.

Being caring or being a jerk?

2010-12-29T20:41:00.000-05:00

We live in a world that thrives on speed. We've gone from mail to e-mail to texting in a matter of 50 years. It's about receiving an answer now and getting the job done immediately. That leaves little time to stop and think about life, about our actions, about anything, really.

Over the past few months, I've seen my role as one who makes those around me stop and think, to ask questions. I've heard many of my students say that it's so easy to go through their every day life, without having to think about what they did and why they did it. They expect me to challenge them, to question their actions, not out of being nosy or being annoying, but out of sincerity.

The students in my ministry know that I ask questions because I hope they slow down and think. And in doing so, my hope is that they help others to do the same. In some ways, my students expect me to ask the hard questions. Lately, though, I've been wondering whether it can apply to other areas of my life.

Would I seem like I was being annoying if I asked questions or would it seem like I was caring? I find it easy to listen to friends and family about the happenings of their lives, but it takes a lot of guts for me to ask a question. Either I don't agree with what they are saying, so I have to ask a question to get them think, or I have the sense that if I ask a question, I'll come across as super holy and righteous, and thus, judgmental.

As I talk to friends, I realize that they want to respond to what they are being told, but they feel the same way. They are afraid of losing friendships or bringing difficulty into a situation that is already hard.

What would it look like if we all took the opportunity to ask good questions to our friends and family? What if we saw our questions not as making things harder, but actually bringing to light what already is present but currently in darkness?

Blessings through a cell phone...

2010-12-11T21:49:00.000-05:00

I don't like negotiating. My cell phone plan was expiring today, so I took time yesterday to mull over the options. There was the choice of sticking with my old company or moving to a new one. I am indecisive and can't make decisions quickly about things like this. It was helpful that my brother helped me by doing the negotiating and giving me the options.

After a few hours, I decided to stick with my old company. Even though they didn't offer the best plan I thought they could (I have been with them for 6 years), I still decided to stick with them.

When I arrived at the store to pick up my phone and finalize the details, I was pleasantly surprised. I had negotiated for free long distance minutes, since that's what I had on my old plan. Earlier in the day, the representative said the best she could do was offer me $5 for 100 long distance minutes, instead of $10 for 100. At the store, the representative said they changed it and decided to give me the long distance minutes for free!

I thought I would spend $35/month, but now, I will only spend $30. What's even better is that I got a pretty sweet phone for $0. It's Korean made and that made me proud, since I work with Korean students.

When I went home, I just praised God. He knew what I wanted and what I could afford. He gave me some freebies and I just felt like He was reminding me that if I follow Him faithful, He'll take care of the little details. I can say amen to that!

On leading worship...

2010-12-06T23:57:00.001-05:00

Last week, I had the opportunity of a lifetime. I was with a team of 8 others, and we led worship for Inter-Varsity's National Staff Conference. This conference happens every 3 years and staff who work in different countries have to come back for it. It's the one time in 3 years that everyone who works for the organization is in the same room, whether you work at head office, camp, or on campus.

I learned a lot through the Scripture studies and teachings by Brenda Salter McNeil, but the most growthful part of the conference was leading worship. My expectations going in were that I would grow in my skill and technique, and take that back to my students at McMaster. Little did I know that my week would be less about that and more about spiritual formation and transformation through worship.

Worship is a vulnerable place. To create music is to give people a glimpse into your heart, your thoughts, your world. It is a creative outlet that is fun, but also risky. If you suggest an idea, there is a risk that it might not be accepted, so it is scary.

As a team, we became vulnerable. In our practices, we talked about the importance of singing songs that represent various ethnicities. This led to discussions about our ethnicity. We talked about racial reconciliation. We asked God to lead us to where He would lead the participants. We firmly believed that we were to be witnesses to our conference, which meant we had to go through first what everyone else would go through.

I witnessed my team members be healed of sins and hurt that had plagued them since childhood. I saw the goodness of God as He gave us strength when many of us were fighting through sickness throughout the week. The Spirit of God was at work in us and we became faithful witnesses of this (Acts was our theme).

Over half of our time together as a team wasn't about playing music. We spent more time hanging out, debriefing, and praying than making music. It was a strange, but pleasantly, proper way to lead worship. It's making me think about how I lead worship now and how I can model this new way.

A reminder about community...

2010-11-23T23:16:00.001-05:00

Yesterday, I had my sabbath and went with my housemate to Buffalo for some eating and some shopping. Shopping isn't the normal sabbath activity I partake in, but since it is something that gives us a reason to go to Buffalo and get away from the normal pace of life, I went.

As we were shopping, I realized that I did not have enough money to pay for the things I needed to get (a shirt, new running shoes, and a dress for the KCF banquet). My housemate graciously said she would pay for it with her credit card, along with her purchases, and I could buy her dinner instead.

When we got to the checkout, we pooled all of our items together and when the total came up, it was way cheaper than we thought. The cashier told us that since we spent over $75, we received $15 off. When we looked at the receipt, it came to $76. On the bottom, it said we saved $100 in total because all the items we bought were on sale and we also had an extra $15 off. It was a pretty hilarious sight.

This reminded me of 2 things: 1) Pooling our things together is good. That's what gave us the $15 off in the first place. 2) God provides. I couldn't afford the items I bought because I didn't bring enough US money over, but because of the discount, I could pay for it.

God is good. He reminds me of Himself, even in my consumerism.

Polished outside, broken inside...

2010-11-06T11:57:00.001-04:00

As ministry enters into November, everything gets a bit crazy. Mainly, it has to do with emotions and lack of sleep. I find that everything feels more hectic, more stressful, and more pressing. When I take a step back, I realize that they are same issues but they are amplified because it's 2 months in.

I also realize, though, that this is the point where we can't hide our "stuff" so well. September is about meeting people, so we get to know them on a surface level. October is about getting into the swing of things, and brokenness is apparent, but it's still fairly well hidden. November is when everything breaks lose. Due to the lack of sleep, everything produces strong emotion and often, we act in ways we don't want to. This reveals a deeper character issue that God wants us to be rescued from.

I am prone to this myself. As I have taken the past 24 hours to slow down and think about the events of this week, I know that I blew a lot out of proportion. I acted on impulse and emotion, rather than on sound judgement. I need to reconcile relationships with some students and some housemates, all because I couldn't handle the events of the week and acted in a way contrary to my character.

It is a humbling place to be in, realizing that I need to work on myself as much as my students and my friends. And the character issue that I need work on? Well, again reminded me again that I like to be in control. I don't trust Him enough to know that He wants the best for me.

It's a good thing God does know better than me. He always knows.

Do the Math Challenge, Day 4...

2010-10-07T22:03:00.000-04:00

Breakfast: 1 package of maple and brown sugar oatmeal
Lunch: 2 peanut butter sandwiches
Dinner: Thanksgiving dinner (turkey, stuffing, canned vegetables, mashed potatoes), pumpkin pie

The breakfast and lunch meals were the same for today and day 1 and I could really tell a difference. It may be that I didn't push a 3 year old on a swing for 30 minutes, but I definitely was not that hungry all day. I pushed having breakfast until 10 and then had 1 peanut butter sandwich at noon and another at 2 p.m., and I was fine until dinner.

I did feel hungry sometimes, but in general, the pains were way less than what I felt on day 1. So I guess the theory is correct, that your body will feel hungry less often when you condition it to eat less.

The difficulty today was that I had meetings on campus from 10:30-2:30 and didn't feel like packing tuna casserole. I would have had to microwave it and then, it would make the surrounding areas smell fishy. When I have meetings during this period of time, I generally make one of them a meal meeting. So, I told myself that I could survive on oatmeal and 2 peanut butter sandwiches until 7:30.

And I did. I was hungry at around 5, but I had made it that far, so I knew that I could make it for dinner. And it was fun to break the diet with my students, celebrating Thanksgiving.

I am glad that I participated in this challenge. It was hard at times, but it was growthful. It made me realize that I don't think that people who need food from food banks as people. They are just a number, a part of the problem.

I'm now asking what it means to be a part of the solution, to bring justice to those who need it the most.

Do the Math Challenge, Day 3...

2010-10-06T23:21:00.001-04:00

Breakfast: 1 package of apple and cinnamon oatmeal
Lunch: leftovers of rice, beans, and corn, toast with caramelized onions
Dinner: tuna casserole (tuna, rice, corn, peas, cream of mushroom soup), mashed potatoes, 1 granola bar

The hunger pains have lessened today. I am learning to deal with them more. The food has also felt more filling, probably because 2 meals included rice.

I woke up late today and had oatmeal at around 11, which was helpful. I found that waking up late delayed my hunger, so I wonder if this is a strategy that people use if they are unable to eat. They stay in bed later or delay getting up so that their bodies don't use as much energy.

Anyway, the big temptation today was not to eat anything I baked. I made butterscotch brownies for my small group tonight and really wanted to eat a piece. Instead, I am saving it for dinner tomorrow, when I break my diet to join with my students as we eat after large group.

The other temptation was wanting to order a drink when I had 2 meetings at coffeeshops. Instead, I order a tea, which was on the list of things I am allowed to eat. I really craved a hot chocolate or a London fog.

Dinner was actually pretty amazing. The tuna casserole was delicious and it was satisfying. My housemate had invited some of her students over for dinner and 3 of them showed up to eat with us. It was fun to talk about some of our strategies for getting through the weak, the meals we liked and disliked, and what we're going to to do about it once it's all done.

It did feel encouraging to know that we have similar feelings, that macaroni and cheese is not good for you and is not filling, that there are many versatile uses for tomato soup and cream of mushroom soup, and that rice is the most filling ingredient we received in our bag.

I am excited to break this diet tomorrow. Only 2 more meals to go!

Do the Math Challenge, Day 2...

2010-10-05T20:15:00.000-04:00

Breakfast: 1 peanut butter sandwich
Lunch: 1 can of tomato soup, 1/3 box of macaroni and cheese
Snack: 1 piece of toast with margarine and sugar
Dinner: rice with corn, red kidney beans, and tomato soup, 1 granola bar

I am still constantly hungry, except for the rice at dinner, which actually felt filling and satisfying. That is, until someone in my house cooks something else to eat that is delicious and smells amazing. Then, I am hungry again. I am currently craving a delicious sandwich made with good, crusty bread, real cheese, and grilled vegetables. Oh, and a side of sweet potatoes fries and chiptole mayo.

Today, I learned that I need to be wise in how I give canned foods to people at food banks. I shouldn't just give them leftovers from my pantry because it gets a little boring. As my housemate and I were reflecting on our experience today, we realized that we should give away pasta and pasta sauce, because it actually is filling and is simple to add vegetables to.

I really miss my vegetables and fruit. It feels strange to only eat canned items.

Again, I am thankful to be doing this with my housemate. It makes it more bearable and more fun, as we can pool our resources together and our ideas. I am really looking forward to tomorrow's meal, as a bunch of her students are coming over and we're going to make tuna casserole, with rice, and mashed potatoes.

Even though I complain of being hungry all the time, I am really grateful for this opportunity to get a tiny experience of what it's like to live and always be in need.

Do the Math Challenge, Day 1...

2010-10-04T21:10:00.001-04:00

Breakfast: 1 package of regular oatmeal
Lunch: 2.5 peanut butter sandwiches on whole wheat bread
Dinner: 3/4 box of macaroni and cheese, 1/2 can of green beans, 1 granola bar

I was famished this morning and couldn't wait to eat my oatmeal at 9 a.m. I pushed breakfast as late as possible, so that I would feel hungry later. By noon, I was ready to devour some more food, but contained myself to peanut butter sandwiches.

Dinner was at 6 and I was hungry at 4:30. I think I might have almost eaten the pot of boiling water, if I didn't have better self control. I ate more mac and cheese than I ever would have expected to eat, but nothing was satisfying my hunger. I even saved my granola bar so that I could use it to fill me up and act as a dessert item.

The challenge hasn't been too hard today, but I am just aware that whenever I am hungry, I just grab food and eat it. I can't do that right now, unless it's another slice of bread (I don't think I want to eat 6-8 slices a day) or eating a whole spoonful of peanut butter (which my housemate did today and I may attempt on a later date).

I realize that carbs don't fill me and that the reality of eating the same thing every day isn't too appealing. As a foodie, I'm trying to make the most of this challenge and my housemate and I are having fun with it. Yet, I realize how it is for people on social assistance to eat in a healthy manner. There is barely any protein and I am just filling myself up with starches and carbs.

So it's been a good first day so far. I wonder what tomorrow will be like, with a full day of work and a bit of exercise in the schedule.

Do the Math Challenge...

2010-10-03T20:38:00.002-04:00

The Chaplaincy Centre at McMaster is hosting a campaign along with the McMaster Community Poverty Initiative called Do the Math Challenge. Actually, this campaign has been done quite a few times to raise awareness of how people on social assistance programs can't afford to eat because they receive very little money from the government each month.

My housemate and I, along with 10 of her students from the Inter-Varsity Multi-Ethnic group, are participating in this experiment, starting tomorrow. For 3-5 days, we are going to try and eat what people on social assistance eat. We collected our food hampers on Friday at school, and in each one, there is:

- 3 pouches of oatmeal
- 3 granola bars
- 2 boxes of macaroni and cheese
- 3 servings of rice
- 1 can of red kidney beans
- 1 can of corn
- 1 can of green beans
- 1 can of tuna
- 1 can of cream of mushroom soup
- 1 can of cream of tomato soup
- 3 juice boxes
- 3 onions
- 3 potatoes
- 1 loaf of bread
- 500 mL of milk

I am nervous and excited to take part in this campaign. I am nervous because I know I will get hungry, since I exercise a lot and am afraid I will eat something that is not in my food hamper. Yet, I am excited because I want to experience a bit of what it is like to live on social assistance. I think a lot about those who live in poverty, but this is a first step in being more aware and trying to do something about it.

I don't feel content sitting on the sidelines anymore. Jesus was One who always acted and lately, He is compelling me that I need to live what I preach. I often tell my students to care for those around them. If I want them to do that, I need to do the same.

So follow me this week as I write daily about how this experience goes.

The cost is great, the joys are greater...

2010-10-01T12:02:00.000-04:00

Last weekend, 20 of us from McMaster Korean Christian Fellowship gathered together for our annual fall retreat. It was a great time of fun, serious conversations, and memories being made. The theme of the weekend was "The Cost of Following Jesus".

Many people who attended had been raised as a Christian, and haven't had much time to think about a) if there is a cost to following Jesus and b) if there is a cost, what that cost is. We also had some non-believers join us and the theme fit for them too, as they were considering whether they would follow Jesus.

We had some good conversations about how different our lives would be if Jesus was in every area of our life, and how we don't even think twice about it right now. We buy what we want, we get what we like. But we were challenged to think what life would be like if we didn't buy the brand names, pooled our money together, and gave it someone who was in need.

We hit on the cost and suffering a lot, but also had opportunities to talk about how living life with Jesus, first, and then sharing and focusing on others, second, actually brings a lot of joy. It's true, there are sacrifices that need to be made when we choose to live this way, but the joy cannot compare. It makes everything worth it, and I do speak from experience.

My love for my students grew tremendously this weekend. I remember sitting in session and sensing the Holy Spirit increase my heart to receive more from them, to walk with them in their pain, and to celebrate with them in their rejoicing.

God has entrusted these people to me, and I want to learn to love them the way that He does.

It's all about love...

2010-09-18T17:18:00.001-04:00

In the middle of the first week of school, our new Hamilton/Niagara/Brantford staff team decided to go away for a time of visioning, hanging out, and rest. I was a bit stressed out because a lot of logistics and the actual rhythm of KCF had not been set yet. The leaders were still figuring out room bookings, when to have small groups, staying in contact with new people, and on top of that, trying to get their courses sorted out.

Yet, once I got into the car and our team drove to the cottage that we were staying at, I knew we were supposed to leave. It felt hard to leave my students behind, but as a staff team, we needed to vision together. We are a new team. It's true, we all worked together last year, but everyone has different roles. Cole is now our ministry director, with Pete moving on to be the new central field director in Ontario. Sam and Christine are no longer interns, but have come on staff and are responsible for their own ministries.

We needed direction from God and a sense of calling once again. And we heard Him loud and clear. We all heard from God in the ways we needed to and He brought us together as a team, sharing stories and brokenness that required trust on both ends.

As we sat and reflected one morning, God asked me why I call my students to reach out to non-believers. It stumped me for a bit because I knew that "meeting a goal" or "increasing the size of the fellowship" wasn't the reason why I called them to that vision. Instead, the Spirit reminded me again that it's about love.

We reach out to non-believers because that's what God does, He loves people, no matter who they are and what their circumstances are. And as His followers, we are called to do the same, not only for the people we reach out to, but sometimes, more important, for our growth and salvation.

So that is my hope this year, that I would not forget the bigger picture of God's Kingdom and His desire to see all His people receive His unconditional love.

A view of the lake at the cottage

The end of the first week...

2010-09-11T23:54:00.000-04:00

This week has gone by quickly, but it also feels like 3 weeks of events, meetings, and activities happened in the past 7 days. Where time went, I'm not really sure, but it has been a memorable week.

It was the start of school this week and to be honest, I was looking forward to it. Maybe it's because I am not a student anymore, but I wanted structure and routine in my life again. (I have been travelling a lot this summer.) I also wanted to see my students and be involved on a week to week basis, rather than a month to month basis.

Our leadership team gathered together on Tuesday to finalize details and set some vision for this opening week. Wednesday was Clubsfest, where we had a table outside the student centre and gave out information about KCF. Thursday was our kick-off BBQ. Friday was filled with meetings, including a planning retreat meeting.

It has been a great week of meeting new students and I heard a couple of students voice their intention in figuring out how their faith is a part of their lives. This is exciting to me, because these are the people who are asking questions and want to understand more of what it means to follow God and His Kingdom.

So that is my prayer at the end of this week, that God would be stirring in everyone we met. I pray that university would not only be a time of fun and school, but that it would be a place and a part of their lives where they questioned their beliefs and their values. It is my hope that all of these students would come to know and experience Jesus in a deep way this year.

Finding the unlikely individual...

2010-09-05T22:25:00.000-04:00

Five days at Ontario Pioneer Camp for August Staff Days. Two days of moving. Seven days of hanging out and doing work in Hamilton. That's what the past two weeks have looked like for me. It's hard to believe that it's already September and that the start of official campus ministry starts in 2 days.

I learned a lot during our August Staff Days, where all the campus staff from Ontario camp together for 5 days of teaching. We studied the Holy Spirit's movement in Acts and saw how He heals, requires purity in the new Christian community, leads an Ethiopian eunuch to follow Him, and turns one of the greatest persecutors of the early church into the most effective evangelist for the Kingdom.

It made me think about how all of this applies now, how God can heal today, how He deals with sin, how He calls ethnic minorities to follow Him, and how He calls the most unlikely individuals to turn their lives around completely to live for the Kingdom.

And so, I'm thinking about ministry in a new way again, especially in terms of finding those who seem impossible to become believers and see them become one! I am excited for this possibility and starting to pray for this to happen. It won't be easy and it will probably be more growthful for me than for that person, but I know that is God's intention.

As ministry starts again, I'm not only praying for 10 non-believers to study Scripture with our community this year, but that we'll find the most unlikely people who are curious about Jesus.

Something new out of the broken...

2010-08-19T21:12:00.000-04:00

As I was having dinner with a friend the other night, he reminded me how God brings redemption through seemingly worldly things. He doesn't create something completely new, but uses the broken things of this world.

The greatest example is people. He brings reconciliation by healing and restoring us so that we can be agents of reconciliation for others. God didn't decide to bring redemption by creating robots or a new species of humans.

I don't know why this conversation really hit home, but it reminded me just how gracious God is. It also makes me realize that there can't really be a separation of the sacred and the secular. God redeems through things that are seemingly secular and makes it holy. Take music, for instance. It could be used for not so good means, or it could be used to glorify God.

Anyway, I am just in awe of how creative God is!

I still remember...

2010-08-13T22:53:00.000-04:00

After a very restful time of vacation, I am trying to get back into the swing of things. This has been a week of fundraising and sharing stories, mainly about Bangladesh. Every time I share stories or see the pictures, I remember all that I experienced there and all that God taught me.

I remember how God miraculously answered our prayers for physical healing and weather. I remember how our team's prayers turned from ones of panic and helplessness to ones full of faith and hope. I remember the people I met and how they have impacted my life forever. I remember the joy of seeing so many people engaged in Scripture.

Over and over again, as I share these stories, I do not get bored of telling them. I know that everyone I've talked to enjoyed hearing these stories, but I'm starting to think that God has me repeating each story 2-3 times a day as a reminder to me.

So as long as you ask, I will share, not only for you, but also for me. I will not stop telling the stories of my brothers and sisters in Bangladesh because they are faithful believers, willing to sacrifice everything for the sake of the Gospel. I have a lot to learn from them.

Sharing their stories also reminds me to pray for them. My prayer is that they will be the light that brings forth a change in Bangladesh so unreal and amazing that it leads people to Jesus.

Just paddling...

2010-08-03T23:12:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking about what this season of my life is about. There will be a lot of changes going on both in my personal life and ministry. And if there is one theme or message that I feel like God is telling me, it's that I just need to get in the boat and enjoy myself.

I tend to think a lot, overanalyze, minimize risk, and try to make a situation perfect. In this season, God is telling me to stop thinking, get in that boat, and just paddle. It's not a coincidence that I am really enjoying kayaking these days. It's a great analogy for my life right now. When I get in the kayak, I lose track of time and see the world from a different perspective.

And that's what this season is all about. It's going to be different and I am a bit nervous, but I know that it will be also an amazing ride. So there's no more thinking or analysis of what this new season will bring. I choose to be fully present and enjoy every moment of what happens!

Three oceans, five months...

2010-07-29T18:35:00.001-04:00

It has been an incredible few months of travelling. I have been in Mexico, California, Bangladesh and Dubai, and I just came back from Newfoundland for a vacation with my housemate. I have felt extremely blessed to see so many parts of the world that are all very different from one another.

It hit me as I saw the Atlantic Ocean from the top of Signal Hill in St. John's a few days ago: I've been to 3 different oceans over the past 5 months. In California, I was at the Pacific Ocean. In Bangladesh, I was at the Indian Ocean. In Newfoundland, I was at the Atlantic Ocean, and was even able to sea kayak with whales!

It was a surreal experience and all courtesy of my housemate, who is in love with whales, kayaking, and the ocean. I would never have picked to do that myself, but it was an experience that I will never forget. The kayak made me feel like I was a part of the ocean and seeing the humpback whales swimming near us left me speechless.

Being in the water makes me appreciate the creation of God more. I feel so small compared to the vast body of water and I am in awe of how God creatively crafted everything on earth. There is purpose in everything, but He also allows us to have fun in His creation (like kayaking with whales in the ocean!), which leads us to adore Him even more.

Infectious leadership...

2010-07-21T22:37:00.001-04:00

Today, I had some good conversation with two of my students who are going into second year. They were some of the best first years I have seen. They were involved with our community, gave themselves to their peers, and even tried to make friends with people who were older than them.

We came together today to hang out and to share thoughts on how KCF would be like for the next year. I told them about my idea to have 10 non-believers consistently study Scripture with us this year. We're hoping to have about 5 small groups, so that would be 2 non-believers per group.

This idea started in Bangladesh debrief for me. I felt God stretching me and wanting to challenge my students to do the same. Like I mentioned in a previous post, when I told my student leaders about this, they were on board with the idea and were excited.

I shared the same story and idea today to these two small group leaders and they were excited as well. And they believe that it is very possible. One of them even said that it's good that the leadership team is on board, because if they are, it will become infectious and everyone will want to be a part of it.

So infectious leadership. That's what I'm going for this year. My hope is that I and my student leaders will encounter Jesus in a deeper way than they ever have. And that is the hope that we have for our fellowship as well, that they will be able to get that sense, that vibe, from us and want to follow along.

It's going to be an exciting ride and I really cannot wait to witness and share the stories of what God does through our community this year!

The Bucket List, Part 1...

2010-07-13T22:09:00.001-04:00

We all have a list of things we want to do in our lifetime. Some of them are out of this world, some of them are reasonable. Some of them are fun, some of them are breathtaking.

I have had such a list in my head for a long time, but really didn't know what they were. Once in a while, I hear something, and I think to myself that I would like to do that.

And so, I was able to do something that I can cross off my list this weekend. Some of you know that I have been growing out my hair to donate to cancer patients, so that it can be a part of a wig. I made this decision and this pact with my housemate back in October. We had both wanted to do it for a while and there aren't many people these days who have non-treated hair.

Well, this weekend, I cut my hair. And it felt good to give it away to people who really needed it. It felt so good that after I had my haircut, within the day, I decided that I would do it again. Apparently, it takes 6 ponytails to make a wig. I only donated 2 this weekend.

And so, even though I just wanted to do this once, I am planning to do it 2 more times so that I can donate a full wig. It will take about 2.5 years, so get ready to see me growing my hair really long and then cutting it all off.

Dealing with the heat...

2010-07-08T15:11:00.000-04:00

After spending a month in Bangladesh, the current heatwave in Southern Ontario is pretty similar to what I experienced there. There have been moments I felt like I was not going to stop sweating, but I have been stubborn. I have not turned on the air conditioning in my house. I have barely used a fan, choosing to deal with the heat instead through unconventional way, like putting an ice pack on myself to cool myself off.

I am reminded of how Bangladesh has a lack of electricity, so there were always rolling blackouts. Our team was fortunate to live in a place that had a generator, but if we didn't, we would have to deal with the heat and the constant sweating.

There's something in me that tells me that I can't just use electricity because I have it. There are people all around the world who don't have it and learn to deal with more extreme weather conditions than I face.

So in this hot summer, I am going to try energy efficient and earth friendly ways to cool myself and my house down. It's cost effective and it helps the environment out a bit too.

New challenges and vision...

2010-07-04T23:05:00.000-04:00

Vacation is over. It's time to get back to work. And I have gone back to work!

It has been so good to see my students again, those who are leading the Korean Christian Fellowship (KCF) ministry at McMaster. I was so excited to hear their stories from city/script, the weeklong conference where they studied the first half of Mark, and May Conference, where KCF students from all over Ontario came together for leadership training.

It has been fun to share stories with them about what I learned and experienced in Bangladesh. And they seem inspired, which is awesome, because I am inspired when I share the stories with them.

I am so excited to work with them because they are full of vision and eager to take risks. This is important because this year will be full of risks. When I was praying during our Bangladesh debrief, I felt God telling me to pray that 10 non-believers would come and study Scripture with us this year. I thought He was crazy, but I remembered how God had answered some crazy prayers that He had asked me to pray in Bangladesh.

I have been sharing this story with my new student leaders and they are not shocked or surprised. They either tell me that they are excited for this challenge or immediately have people who come to mind that they need to ask to study Scripture with them.

As I think more about this goal, I am led to prayer. I know that my students and I cannot do this on our own. It can only be accomplished through God, and so, we will go to Him!

Signs of hope...

2010-06-21T22:00:00.000-04:00

I visited my old coworkers today, those whom I worked with when I had a summer job in high school and university. And for the first time ever, I saw and felt hope in that place.

My friend who has been wanting to get out of his job finally decided that he is finished in September. He looks like he is full of joy at the opportunity to spend time with his kids and do something that is more fulfilling than pushing paper. He said the short term risk and sacrifice of not earning an income is nothing compared to the long term joy and fulfillment he will receive in doing something he wants to do.

Other old colleagues actually were intrigued about Bangladesh and why I even went. They heard my stories of seeing poverty and women in prostitution and wondered how I could keep their stories out of my head. I told them that I couldn't, that I had to share them with people in Canada. Yet, I also have hope and know that a better Life is awaiting them.

I was able to talk about the injustice that workers face in clothing factories and what we can do to make a difference. I even had a conversation with someone about religion and the importance of us seeing the wrongs that people have done in the name of their religion.

It's always good to see old friends, but today, it was extra special. I saw the seeds of hope planted in their lives. I pray that it will cultivate and grow, that it will lead them to rediscover their faith in Jesus or discover what a joy it is to be welcomed into His Kingdom.

More and more...

2010-06-20T23:01:00.000-04:00

Two days after I finished my ultimate Global Partnership experience, I was off again. This time, though, I was off to my own city, Hamilton, for a conference with 100+ Inter-Varsity campus staff from around the country. It was our yearly staff conference for learning and fun.

At a typical Inter-Varsity staff conference, we always start with inductive Bible study in the morning, and this year was no exception. We looked at the life of Moses, specifically Exodus 32-36.7, in terms of his leadership. And what a character study it was.

Exodus 32 starts with Aaron listening to the people and building a golden calf because Moses was on the mountain too long hanging out with God. As Moses heads down the mountain and figures out what is going on with the people, he acts quickly but also with intention.

He melts the calf, grinds it up, and makes the people drink it. He then pleads with God so that God, in His anger, will not destroy the people. I am not going to begin the debate on whether Moses changes God's mind.

In studying this passage carefully, I observed that Moses is persistent and knows God's heart. He also knows how to bargain. Over and over again, he asks God to show him favour and when God responds with a favourable response, Moses then asks God to show the people favour, and finally, to take them back as His people.

What I learned is how persistent Moses is, and just how much he wants to see more of God. In the passage, it says that Moses talked to God like they were friends, but Moses still wanted more of God. He asked God to reveal His glory and His ways.

To me, that is true leadership, when leaders lead their people according to the ways of God, and not of themselves. And in leading in this way, they will learn more about themselves, becoming more of the individuals that God intended them to be.

Praying for Bangladesh...

2010-06-17T22:58:00.000-04:00

In the 2.5 weeks since I have returned from Bangladesh, a fire and a landslide have killed hundreds of people. It's true that I am paying attention more because I just came back from there, but it is also because these two tragedies happened in places that I went to when I was in the country.

The fire happened in Old Dhaka, which was where my placement was located and where our team spent an afternoon with the Bible Students Fellowship of Bangladesh (BSFB) students. The landslide happened in Cox's Bazar, which is where our team travelled to for 4 days of relaxation before finishing off our time in Bangladesh. We met people in both of those places, and it helped us grow a love for the country.

My heart grieves to see Bangladesh suffering from these tragedies. And since I am so far away, all I can do is pray to the One who is able to hear and answer prayers.

Big. Bold. Prayers.

2010-06-07T10:34:00.001-04:00

If you ask any of our Global Partnership team about the biggest thing we learned or experienced over the past month in Bangladesh, I can confidently say that everyone would mention something about big and bold prayers. Everyone had an encounter with having prayers answered, whether they were prayed individually or corporately.

And the prayers that were answered were not the typical prayers we would pray in North America. We witnessed physical healing, God controlling weather, and prayers being answered just in the nick of time. Maybe these would be the prayers we pray back home, but we never noticed it the way we did while we were in Bangladesh.

From the moment that we gathered together as a team for orientation, we felt like God was pouring out his Spirit on us. As we studied Scripture on the Spirit, we believed that it could happen to us, and it did. As a result, we prayed like we never did before. Part of the reason was because we couldn't do anything else but pray, but halfway through our GP, we prayed because we knew it was the thing to do.

Our prayers changed from an attitude of hoping God would answer the things we were praying for to a belief that if we prayed what was on God's heart, He would answer. We also felt ourselves very in tune with God, so that when we prayed, we had a sense that God would creatively answer our prayers.

I can't wait to pray like this back in Canada. The prayers that God answered were astounding and I hope that we can all experience this together. God is a God of abundance. I learned that He loves to answer the prayers of His people.

Crazy timing...

2010-04-29T20:55:00.001-04:00

Tomorrow is the big day. I leave for Bangladesh, well, for orientation first, and then for Bangladesh on Monday evening. It has come so quickly. I still remember when I met the General Secretary of Bangladesh at Urbana, which was in December.

It has been a crazy journey getting to place, and there's no crazier story than our visas. I mailed our visa applications in 2.5 weeks ago and it arrived in Ottawa 2 weeks ago. For a while, I heard nothing or saw nothing in my mailbox, until last Thursday, when my director told me that one of the students had received a call from the High Commission in Ottawa, having questions about the place we were staying.

So last Friday and this Monday, I tried frantically to call the High Commission, and no one was there to answer my calls. It was quite frustrating, since we needed the visas by tomorrow at noon.

Finally, Tuesday morning, at around 9:15 a.m., someone answered my call and told me what the problem was. Within the next 24 hours, I prepared all the necessary paperwork and e-mailed it to the High Commission.

I asked my friend, who lives in Ottawa, to pick up the passports from them on Friday morning so that he can bring it to orientation on Saturday, since he'll be at our orientation location for the yearly Inter-Varsity conference, city/script. I ended up not needing his help because today, at noon, a package arrived for me. It was our passports, with all of our visas in them! I was so excited that I kept saying, "Praise God. Praise God."

If the visa process was smooth, I don't think I would have been reminded of how good God is, how perfect His timing is, and how He always provides.

With this experience under my belt, I think I am ready to embark on this global partnership.

The truth about sin...

2010-04-15T22:11:00.001-04:00

Yesterday, my staff team and I did a study of Genesis 2-3. We focused on sin and how it all came about, from the first man and woman. Some pretty interesting observations came out of our Bible study, and I'm still trying to wrap my brain around it all.

The one point that really stands out to me is how the serpent takes God's statement and twists it. God tells the groundling, or the man, that he is free to eat from any tree, except for one. The serpent turns around and asks the groundling's helper, the woman, whether God actually said that she couldn't eat from any tree.

The serpent turns God's complete abundance and provision into a restriction. The serpent never says that the woman should not eat from the tree. He just plants that thought into her head.

And that's what I've realized sin is all about. It's a deviation, a distorted picture of truth. Satan puts thoughts into our heads that are mostly true, but there is a part of it that isn't true, and that's what we tend to focus on. Most of the time, the sinful activities we engage in don't seem that bad since we're not committing adultery or murdering our neighbour.

Instead, we're harbouring negative thoughts about ourselves and our neighbours, we're grasping for something that God has given us all along, but we just don't recognize it, or we're just choosing to believe in lies.

It's given me a whole new perspective on how crafty the serpent is and harmful sin can be in our lives and in the lives of those around us. Yet, God brings redemption and is not too small to handle our sin. he offers grace, time and time again. That is really good news.

Caring for the earth...

2010-04-13T22:53:00.000-04:00

I have been fired up these days about the environment and it's not because of Earth Hour, Earth Day, or climate change. As I have been thinking more about God and creation, and reading this book, it's hit me more and more that God created humans to steward the earth. He didn't want us to harm it, abuse it, or waste it.

The earth is God's creation given to us. We need to respect and care for it.

I have always been mindful of the resources I use. My housemates and I turn off all unessential lights in the house and try to unplug the appliances that aren't in use. I try to use water minimally, even when taking a shower. My house is looking to switch to ecofriendly cleaning products, or even making our own.

Lately, though, I have been thinking about the clothes that I purchase. I don't own a lot of clothes to begin with, because I am a minimalist at heart. Yet, as I think about the clothes that I don't wear anymore but are still in good condition, it makes me think how others must be thinking the same.

So a few weeks ago, I went to a second hand store for the first time and bought a piece of clothing. I also took an old top and zip-up hoodie that my friend wasn't wearing anymore. This felt right, to not buy something new, but to buy something that already has been made, so not to use up more of the earth's resources. And besides, it felt new to me!

I'm sure that there's a lot more that I'm not doing, but in the meantime, I'm going to try and do as much as I know. There's a long way to go, but I'm taking this one step at a time, hoping to make more changes as I go along.

Lack of commitment or learning to trust God...

2010-04-08T22:38:00.000-04:00

It's been a theme of this school year. Whenever I present a great opportunity to a group of students, most of them tell me they'll think about it, but no action is taken.

I asked a lot of students to participate in Global Partnerships or Urban Partnerships this summer, and only two said yes. Last year, we had 7 students commit to summer projects.

It's less than a month before city/script, and the same trend is happening again. No one can give me a straight answer of yes or no, but rather, that they'll think about it. Maybe I am just a committed person, but I wonder why there is a lack of commitment from my students these days. Don't get me wrong. They are still taking risks and being faithful in what God tells them to do.

Yet, when it comes to something that is so life changing and is so good, I get empty responses. It just doesn't sit well with me because city/script changed my life. I wouldn't be a campus minister without city/script and the ways that God spoke to me during those times.

And so, all I can do is pray and ask that God would bring the people that He wants to this important and formative Bible study conference. I trust Him to be at work and persuading individuals to go, because there isn't much else I can do.

He is risen... indeed?

2010-04-04T21:24:00.002-04:00

(The title was one my friend used to preach at her church last year, after Easter. So if you think it's clever, it was all her, not me.)

Easter is an important time in our Christian calendar since it marks Jesus' death and resurrection after being crucified. We put a lot of emphasis up until Good Friday (e.g. Lent and Passion Week) and have a big celebration on Easter Sunday, and then we all go on our merry way.

Since last year, I have been wondering, what happens after the Easter service at church? Do we go back to our normal way of living? Or do we live in a way that actually celebrates the crucified Christ, where we honour Him with everything that we do?

You may think that I am having a faith crisis, but do not worry, I am not. Rather, as I have pondered more about Jesus' death and resurrection, I think that there was something more He intended for us. Rather than go back to our regular day job, like the disciples did after Jesus was crucified, I believe that we are called to be witnesses of God's goodness and faithfulness.

I don't think it means that we all leave our day jobs, but we need to live differently. We need to live in a way that shows we believe our Saviour conquered death. We need to align our principles and our values to His Kingdom.

So as I commemorate this Easter season, my prayer is that we would live under the authority of Jesus and the Kingdom of God. And not only live, but experience the Life and joy that Kingdom of God has to offer.

Lots of food...

2010-03-29T20:56:00.002-04:00

This post isn't related to ministry, really. I just wanted to document one of the meals that I had while I was away on vacation. My relatives took my grandparents and me to a Brazilian steakhouse to have lunch. It was amazing. There were 18 types of meat that were served. It's definitely not a place for vegetarians.

They cook their meat on rotating spits. It is beautifully cooked and the meat is juicy and cooked correctly. I like my meat medium-rare, and every piece I had was cooked perfectly. Servers come with skewers of meat and cut the piece that you would like.

I told my students about it after coming home and now, they are planning a trip with their housemates or their friends. I'm hoping to plan a trip with my friends as well, but it is quite pricey.

Anyway, here is the rundown of the meat I had:

Chicken wrapped with bacon
Grilled shrimp
Lamb chops
Chicken heart (which was juicy, it was delicious!)
Flap steak
Filet mignon
Lam rib
Pork tenderloin
Chicken leg
Sausage
Beef ribs
Sirloin steak with garlic
Pork tenderloin with parmesan
Sirloin steak with white wine
Top sirloin
Sirloin steak
Leg of lamb
Beef with parmesan

And finally, the meal was finished with grilled pineapple. So, if you are looking for a great eating experience, you should try it out. There is a Brazilian steakhouse in Toronto.

Here are fried bananas, fried polenta, and cheese balls. The green sign tells the servers to come and serve us food.

Turning the sign to red, or "Nao Obrigado", tells our servers that we are done.

My grandpa and me with a server, who is holding a big piece of meat.

People, not programs...

2010-03-28T22:18:00.000-04:00

Fifteen days off means a lot of lost time. The past week has been a catch up week, of sorts. Lots of meetings. Lots of food. Lots of laughter. Lots of deep calls. Lots of celebration.

I tend to fill my schedule and follow it to a T. And there was a tight schedule, but also a lot of unforeseen circumstances occurred last week. Friends wanted to chat and housemates needed help, so my normal, and less important routines, had to wait.

It frustrated me for a couple of minutes, but I would stop my normal work to do the thing that I knew was more important. And then, finally, after a few times of this happening, I realized that my friends, my students, and my housemates were more important than me answering all of my e-mails or sending out my fundraising letters.

E-mails and fundraising letters are important, but it wasn't in that situation. I could hear God's voice clearly saying to me, "My people are more important. Care for My people. Be there for them."

And in retrospect, I did need to be there for His people because my menial tasks fell into place. The teaching at large group came quickly. The letters and e-mails were finished in an afternoon, while hanging out with one of my key leaders as she did her school work.

So God, let me not forget that Your people are more important that my programs and schedules.

Missing vacation...

2010-03-20T23:12:00.000-04:00

I didn't expect this at all. I thought I would be dying to come home and get back to work. Instead, my 10 day California vacation was just what I needed to re-energize and feel rested once again. And maybe, I am too well rested. It has been hard to get back to work, to check e-mails, to write newsletters, and to prepare for the upcoming Global Partnership to Bangladesh.

So I have been slowly getting myself back into work mode. Maybe what I was doing before wasn't healthy anyway. I have a tendency to overwork and not actually take time off or sabbath well. This slow reintegration may be good for me, to set healthy boundaries of when I should be doing work and when I should be off.

As the day has gone on, I am getting into the groove again. Most of my work has been administrative. It will be Monday before I see any students again. I know that once I see them, the excitement and passion for ministry will come back.

In the meantime, I will that God for a wonderful time with relatives and a restful vacation, that left me the most rested I have ever been since graduating from university.

Food vacation

2010-03-18T00:29:00.000-04:00

In about 12 hours, I'll be leaving sunny San Francisco and heading back home. As I reflect on my vacation over the past 10 days (plus 5 days of Asian American Staff Conference), it was one filled with food.

The moment I got off the plane, my relatives took me out to eat Vietnamese food. Then we had a Chinese style banquet in the evening. At the conference, I was able to have In-n-Out, the pride of California. This trip has been full of all different types of food.

I tried Burmese food for the first time, with a salad that has 21 different ingredients in it. And I was taken out to Brazilian barbecue, where servers come to your table with skewers of meat. It was a pretty phenomenal experience.

Over the past 2 weeks, I have had Chinese, Vietnamese, Burmese, Mediterranean, Malaysian, Japanese, sourdough bread, which is also famous in San Francisco, and Brazilian food. And of course, cheesecake from one of the best cheesecake places in the States. The only type of food I didn't have, but really wanted, was Mexican. We just ran out of time.

I have eaten so much that some nights, I feel sick, but I can't decline food because my relatives find it rude. So I have balanced eating with a lot of exercise, including running by the San Francisco Bay, which was very gorgeous.

When I get home, I can't wait to have some vegetables and make some meals again. I haven't cooked in over two weeks, and I really miss it!

Work and vacation

2010-03-02T22:41:00.000-05:00

In less than 12 hours, I will be on a plane headed to San Francisco for Inter-Varsity's Asian American Staff Conference. I am not American, but my friends south of the border have graciously invited 11 Asian Canadian staff or individuals who work with Asian students to the conference.

I am excited because it's my first time to California and I am spending time with some really great people. It's also great because I am turning it into a 10 day vacation with my grandparents, where we'll visit our relatives.

So I'll be absent over the next 15 days, but I will return with some updates of what I learned at the conference and also about the training that I just received this past weekend with new staff in Ontario and Quebec.

Olympic Central...

2010-02-24T18:13:00.001-05:00

It's Olympic time. Canada is doing great, although we're not owning the podium. We are winning many gold medals. Anyway, since it is an event that only happens every four years, my staff and intern team decided to celebrate the Olympics, and use it as a ministry opportunity.

And so, we've called ourselves Olympic Central. There's only 4 full days of the Olympics left, but we have been busy baking, cooking, cleaning, and decorating to make our house a place where people come watch and celebrate Team Canada's quest to Olympic glory.

So if you are watching the Olympics, do remember to pray for us. We are using it as a way to further discussions of how Olympians have the drive to train every day to pursue a gold medal and how they have undivided focus on that goal.

And we're also hoping that Canada wins the game tonight against Russia, so that they can go into the semi-finals, and then the gold medal game, which will bring people out to our house to watch and celebrate!

Find a job that you love...

2010-02-22T21:46:00.000-05:00

This season of ministry has been exhausting, but also extremely rewarding. It feels like I am constantly working, whether meeting with students, preparing for Bible studies, visioning for next year, lending a listening ear, or just telling others about what I do.

It never gets boring. Never. Every day brings a new challenge. Every day brings something new and exciting to learn and experience.

Some of you might have heard me say this, that I often forget that I am working because I love what I do. My job does not feel like work. It feels like I get paid (or fundraise to get paid) to do what I love. And it's true. I love my job.

My housemate just came back from a vacation in Brazil and brought me back a gift. It was a magnet that said, "Find a job that you love and you'll never work a day in your life".

That statement describes my life perfectly. I am so thankful that God allows me to do what I love.

Learning from the Olympics...

2010-02-17T23:34:00.000-05:00

The Olympics are in full swing. Canada has won 6 medals so far and has finally won a gold medal while hosting the Olympics. I haven't been watching much of the events, since I have been busy and in places where there is no cable. Yet, every time I do watch, I am amazed at the determination and drive that the athletes have.

And this makes me think, what principles can I take from the Olympics and apply it to my own life? Are there principles that apply to ministry as well?

I am intrigued by how athletes put their mind to a vision and go for it, at all costs. Is it possible to help students do the same? Is it possible for them to pursue a tangible part of the Kingdom of God and go for it, even if it takes time, dedication, and perseverance?

I know it is possible, but I am not sure how quite yet. As I watch the Olympics with friends and my students, this will be the question that I have in mind.

Pursuing the Kingdom with force...

2010-02-09T23:10:00.000-05:00

The past weekend, 30 MacKCF, MacVCF, and Laurier-Brantford students attended a winter retreat. It was the first time that these three group came together and it was a lot of fun.

I was reminded of something really important. When you believe in something, you don't just say you believe (insert cheesy Olympic commercials asking us if we believe in our athletes), but you go for it, with all of yourself. If you are passionate about something, you go for it with all you have, even if it costs you your whole life.

And that's what the Kingdom is to me. I want it so much that I am willing to sacrifice everything for it, even my life. And that is why I go for it with passion, with all that I have, because I want to be a part of it.

That's the goal I have for my students, and actually, my donors, alike. If we say we believe in the Gospel, if we believe that God's Kingdom is Good News, then we need to go for it, with no strings attached. We need go for it like it cost us everything, because it really does.

Before we can do that, though, we need to evaluate if it's worth it. If the Kingdom is worth it, we will have no problems taking risks to make it happen.

So if you believe that the Kingdom is worth it, I would encourage you to take the next step and actually act on it. Words and actions go hand in hand.

The Lamb will be the Shepherd...

2010-02-05T16:07:00.001-05:00

Often times, I feel directly responsible for what happens to my students. If something exciting happens, it's because of my influence. If something doesn't go according to plan, it's my fault.

As you can guess, this is quite problematic. Yes, I have a role to play, but I do not make anything happen. I am under the guidance and leadership of God. Ultimately, He is the One who initiates people to follow Him. He is the One who knows what will happen before it happens.

So God reminded me again in a powerful way that He is in charge and that I just need to follow Him faithfully. My staff colleagues and I were praying in small groups on our last day together in Mexico City. We had Revelation 7 read out to us, and were asked to share the one word or phrase that stuck out as the passage was being read.

For a while, nothing was sticking out. I kept thinking about the passage in context of how my staff team in the Hamilton/Niagara/Brantford region studied it. That wasn't helpful, because I knew that God has some new words for me.

Anyway, as I asked God to clear my head and give me a word or phrase, I heard this:

"For the Lamb at the centre before the throne will be their shepherd..."

It hit me loud and clear. The Lamb is the shepherd. The shepherd leads his sheep. The sheep only have to follow behind. And in that moment, I could hear God telling me that I needed to stop worrying about my ministry and trying to reach the goal of launching 20,000 extraordinary Kingdom leaders by myself.

He said to me, "I am the Shepherd. You are my sheep. Follow behind Me. Everything will be fine."

May I truly believe this.

Land of milk and honey...

2010-02-03T23:28:00.002-05:00

It's been 3 days since I have been back from Mexico City for Global Partnership director training. I had a lovely time there, in warm weather and with great people, but I was ready to come home.

No, nothing bad happened. I was just filled with so much joy and excitement for what Inter-Varsity was doing in the next 10 years that I wanted to come home quickly to get started on the task at hand.

If you haven't heard, the vision for Inter-Varsity Canada in the next 10 years is "Launching 20,000 extraordinary Kingdom leaders by 2020". If that sounds crazy, it is. If that sounds unattainable, I'm not sure. I think that God can make the unattainable attainable, if that's His will.

Anyway, that's our vision. As he was preparing for this training, the phrase that stuck out to the Inter-Varsity Canada's World Services director was "the land of milk and honey", which is from Exodus. That was profound for all of us. The Israelites thought they would never reach this place, but they did. As staff, we sometimes feel like we can't reach our goal either.

But as daunting as this vision is, I am excited. I am excited to have God expand my vision of what He can do. I am excited to see the lives that will be transformed for the Kingdom. I am excited to see how different Canada and the world will be once these extraordinary Kingdom leaders are in their workplaces, their churches, and their neighbourhoods, living the way that Jesus would.

The land of milk and honey. That is where I am headed. That is where I am guiding my students. I hope you will join us.

The effect of Urbana on KCF...

2010-01-26T21:05:00.001-05:00

Urbana is not some regular missions/Christian conference. I admit, I am extremely biased because I work for Inter-Varsity, but I also am serious. There is something about the decisions you make or the thoughts that you have at Urbana that stay with you for a long time.

My friend and I were talking about this back in December. She and I went to Urbana 06, and she said that the decisions she made 3 years ago totally shape the way she thinks about the world and how she makes decisions in her life.

I would agree with that. The decisions I placed on my commitment card have all become a reality, whether it's going on a short-term missions trip (Central Asia last summer, Bangladesh this summer) or that I would invest in cross-cultural relationships (cue being called to work with Korean Christian Fellowship).

So, I am excited to hear some of the commitments my students made during and after Urbana. I have seem them try new things that require a lot of faith and boldness. I really didn't expect these risks to be taken until next year, but my student leaders are constantly asking the question of why we do what we do. If it doesn't fit with our theme, they usually stop doing it.

In particular, 5 students committed to spending time with a believing and a non-believing friend this semester. When we had an Urbana follow-up meeting, all of them shared that they wanted time to process through the conference before approaching their non-believing friend. They were hoping to contact them sometime in February.

Well, God had other plans. In that first week they returned to school, all of them had the person they wanted to spend time with contact them. Out of the blue. My students didn't initiate. Their friends did.

It was crazy to hear this. We all realized that God was serious about us following through with this commitment. Slowly, but surely, all of these students have started hanging out with their non-believing friend, grabbing lunch or doing something fun because they want their friends to experience God for themselves.

I'm sure there are more stories to share from Urbana, but this is the most significant one that I have heard so far. And I am excited to see what my students and their friends learn from this whole experience.

My personal Urbana experience...

2010-01-21T15:55:00.002-05:00

Since I put in my newsletter that I would post some thoughts about Urbana, I should probably do that.

The main lessons that I learned from Urbana weren't anything new to me, but they were reminders of what I have been doing and what I should be doing. I was reminded of how God desperately wants to enter into my places of brokenness and fill me up completely and wholly. He isn't in the business of patching people together. He wants to fully restore us.

I was also reminded of the extraordinary measures that God will go to in order to save people. Look at the woman at the well. Jews often don't pass through Samaria, but it says in John 4.4 that Jesus had to go through Samaria. I believe it's because Jesus knew the Samaritan woman was looking for someone to fill her deepest needs, and that someone was Jesus.

None of the plenary speakers stood out to me quite like they did 3 years ago, but what they said was simple and to the point. Patrick Fung probably summed it up the best when he said that we need to live to be forgotten. This has stuck with me because we are part of a culture that teaches us to make a name for ourselves, wherever we go.

The drama and dance captivated me, because it presented the Gospel of John in a creative and relevant way. If you love dance, drama, and music, check out this video. (It is almost 16 minutes long, but it worth it!) Even if you don't, you will be in awe because of the artistic creativity, but also because of the message of John 1.

These are main thoughts and what I learned. It is easy for me to speak about what my students learned, but harder to speak about what I learned. So, I have deliberately started with myself. I'll tell you more about my students next time.

Truth and grace...

2010-01-16T21:37:00.000-05:00

Truth: We are broken people.
Grace: God uses broken people.

Truth: Jesus wants to clear the junk and brokenness out of us.
Grace: Jesus clears us out in the ways that minimize shame, sometimes even causing others to give glory to us, and not to God.

The flu...

2010-01-14T23:09:00.000-05:00

I was hit hard in the middle of the night with a bout of 24 hour flu virus. It took me out all day and all I have been able to do is to sleep and watch TV. Yet, in all of that, I have been able to rest and see my housemates take care of me, which is really appreciated.

I have also had some students stop by because they wanted to check up on me or send me an e-mail to make sure I was okay. So despite how hard this flu bug hit me, I have seen some goodness come out of it. I realize how much I love my job and the ways that my students are changing me and the ways that I am changing them.

So I am going to sleep in contentment, because this day has been another reminder of just how God good is to me and those around me.

Prayer...

2010-01-13T17:08:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking a lot about prayer lately. It started at Urbana, with Sunder Krishnan sharing about it during one of the evening plenary sessions. (You can watch his talk here). Then, I went to the KCF Leaders Visioning Weekend this past weekend and all of us agreed that we haven't been praying enough. Finally, I started reading this book, since it was one of the books of the day at Urbana and I want to learn more about becoming the answer to my prayers.

And so, the same theme that comes up again and again is this: I might not be able to change the circumstances around me through prayer, but prayer changes me. It's been a different approach to have while praying, because most of the time, I want my circumstances to change, not me.

This idea has come up in many conversations that I have had with friends, students, and supporters over the past few weeks. And for the first time in a long time, I can say that I have experienced this.

Some of the circumstances in my life aren't changing anytime soon. I still find it hard to love those who are hard to love; I still find it hard to love those who have hurt me. Yet, as I pray for myself and for these people, I want to pray more on their behalf. I naturally pray more for myself too, that I may approach each situation with the attitude that Jesus does.

Maybe that's the way we experience forgiveness and reconciliation, through prayer and some more prayer.

God, the Risk Taker...

2010-01-06T00:27:00.000-05:00

Urbana thoughts are coming. I still haven't had the time to really process what happened for me. Nothing extremely profound came to mind, but I was just reminded of areas in my life where I am trying to seek God faithfully and God reminded me about His promises for me. Overall, I enjoyed it.

Today, I was in a meeting with my supervisor and something just clicked for me. It's very simple, but astounding. We were talking about risk taking and then it hit me. You know why God calls us to take risk? It's because we are created in the image of our Creator and He is a crazy risk taker.

Think about it for a moment. He is a perfect and holy God. He knows everything. He could do everything. Yet, He involves us broken and unreliable humans in His plans. He invites us to participate in bringing the Kingdom to earth.

And the greatest risk of all? He sent His Son to save the world, a world where many who were supposed to be His own rejected Him. Yet, He did it anyway because He knew that there would be people who would come to know Him, who would come to believe in His Name.

If that's not a risk, I don't know what is. And in a season where risk taking is very evident and real in my own life and the lives of my students, it gives me great assurance that I am learning and following in the footsteps of the One who took way greater risks than I will ever take.

The Word became flesh...

2009-12-25T15:00:00.001-05:00

... He dwelled among us.

It's Christmas Day. People all over the world are celebrating the birth of Jesus. People all over the world are also gathered with their families, hanging out, and reminiscing about 2009.

Today, I sit at home pondering the significance of how the Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us. Essentially, that is the Christmas story in one sentence. God sent His Son to dwell among His people.

As I have studied John over the past four months, this idea is profound. Jews did not believe that God would ever become flesh to tabernacle among His people. Greeks did not think that gods would ever make themselves human.

So on this day, I reflect on how miraculous and crazy that Jesus would become a fleshly being to be with His people. And because of that, I wonder what kind of lives that God requires of His people because He did such an act.

I am thankful that I get to experience and see some of what this might look like, as I prepare to leave for Urbana tomorrow. There will be 20,000 people gathered together, pondering the significance of Jesus becoming human and what we, as His followers, need to do in turn.

Back to where it started...

2009-12-24T17:13:00.003-05:00

Certain places make me nostalgic for different reasons. Today, I was hanging out with two friends in the place where I received my staff calling over two years ago. At that point, I was just an intern, trying to discern whether I should be a campus minister or if I should be doing something else with my life.

I received my calling from God in a hotel, during a national Inter-Varsity staff conference. Walking into that hotel again, for the first time since that conference, made me reminisce and replay images in my head.

This was the place where I was able to connect with my fellow interns, which has led to lasting friendships and memories. This was the place I saw campus ministers having fun, relaxing, and telling jokes after sessions. And this was the place I heard God in a loud and clear way, where He told me to become a campus minister.

It's hard to believe that it's been two years already. When I walked through those doors this afternoon, it felt like a few months ago when all of this happened. Instead, a lot has happened between now and then. I have matured and learned a lot about myself. I work with a different group of students than I did back then. I am no longer an intern. Instead, I have an intern I am working with.

Being in that hotel today solidified God's calling back in 2007. And in retrospect, I couldn't imagine myself doing anything else right now.

Christmas time?

2009-12-22T21:13:00.003-05:00

Is it just me, or does it not feel like Christmas? Where I live, there's no snow. My parents' house isn't decorated. Half of my family is away. Nothing tells me it's Christmas time.

Okay, I go to different places and I see Christmas trees, decorations, and I hear Christmas songs playing. My house is decorated with a tree and stockings. I have been to a few Christmas parties and had turkey, cranberries, and gingerbread, which are Christmas foods. Despite this, it really doesn't feel like Christmas to me.

What is Christmas supposed to feel like anyway? To me, it is a time for family and friends to get together and celebrate the Saviour's birth.

And why are we restricted to celebrate Jesus' birth in the month of December? These days, I am continually thankful for Jesus' birth, because without Him, I couldn't receive the redemption and reconciliation that I need, for myself and those around me. Without Jesus, I wouldn't be the person who I am. Without Him, I would have given up on dealing with my brokenness a long time ago.

In this season, I am not going over the top to celebrate Christmas, because in my life, I am learning to be thankful for Jesus at all times.

Praising through the pain...

2009-12-16T23:20:00.002-05:00

On campus work is winding down, and it has given me the opportunity to take a few days off and hang out with some fellow staff friends. We ventured to Ottawa and Montreal. It was fun to be together, hang out, and enjoy some good laughs.

It was a tough trip too. I realized how hard it is to have my friends move far away and the impact it is having on their lives. Yet, I am reminded of how the Kingdom is expanding because we and our supervisors were faithful in releasing these individuals to the places they are now. It is hard because we were just starting to jive, we were just starting to get into a groove and work well together.

If we kept our friends where they were, I know it would have slowly killed the ministry. We would have no diversity. We would be reluctant to welcome new individuals into our staff communities.

So as much as this trip reminded us all of the sacrifices we have made, we were also reminded that it is good to follow God. A few of us went to a Gospel concert on Saturday night and I could tell that we were all hearing from God, especially in the songs that said we would follow God wherever He would call us or that through the pain, we will continue to praise our Saviour.

I am in the middle of both of this and despite how hard and painful it is, I am starting to experience the goodness of God. And because of this, I will praise our Saviour and our King.

It's worth it...

2009-12-09T23:12:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to be with some friends who I worked with during university. I had a steady summer job that I worked for six summers, and I became good friends with these people. Being with them reminded me that this could have been my life.

I have nothing against what they are doing. They spent a lot of time telling me how crazy work is and how they want change in their lives. Yet, everything has become so routine that they don't know anything else. They don't know how to change the routine.

As I reflected on my time with them, I realized that my decision to give up my career and follow Jesus' call was hard, but it's easier than the position my friends are in. It would be so much harder to be in the workforce, be unhappy, and then decide to break the routine and follow God's calling. There would be so many temptations and barriers to get through that I probably would just stay put and do the comfortable, but unhappy thing.

God knew this about me and prodded at me to do the internship when I did. It has led to a series of decisions and choices that have defined the rest of my life. I never envisioned this for myself, but as I have so often said, I could not have picked a better career.

I am joyful, full of passion and desire, and I am taking risks. I am not settling for anything less than what God wants for me. This path calls for many sacrifices, but when I sacrifice something, God gives me something so much better than I could have given myself.

So in the end, it's all worth it. And I can't wait to experience what other crazy risks God calls me to take.

Part one of the invitation...

2009-12-04T14:05:00.005-05:00

This past Wednesday, my small group members and I threw a party for the residence floor we have Bible study on once a week. I had an idea that instead of going out for a Christmas dinner, we should pitch our money together to throw a party for the floor. I was shocked that everyone was up for the idea! By the end of the night, we had pooled together $60 and made plans of our tasks and what food we were serving at the party.

And the party was pretty awesome. It started off slow at first, with students from my small group sticking together and students from the floor, who always hang out, sticking together. About 30 minutes or so went by, and the mingling began with the introduction of Apples to Apples.

The party went on for about 3 hours. We had different people dropping in all night. Some were shocked about it, picked up some food, and went back to their rooms. Others soaked in the fun and stayed to play games and eat more food.

I was able to talk to connect with quite a few students and have some good conversations with them. A few people asked me why we did this. I was quite excited they did, because I had spent some time thinking about it.

Basically, I explained that we were a group of people learning more about Jesus. And in Scripture, Jesus throws extravagant parties and tells His followers to do the same. So, we were a bunch of people just trying to be more like Jesus, doing what He taught us to do.

Most people thought that was cool. I hope that they will join us one Wednesday night, to encounter Jesus for themselves. I didn't throw the invitation out that night, but I know that my students who live in this residence are hard at work, telling their floormates to join us.

So Wednesday night's party was just part one of the invitation. Part two will come in January, and I am praying that some students will join us for Scripture study. If you remember, please pray for the students we were able to connect with on Wednesday. I have a sense that God has been working in them for the past little bit.

Teaching while learning...

2009-11-30T22:44:00.006-05:00

It's strange. I knew this principle before but it's totally coming to life these days. My supervisor has told me over and over again the past few years that often, what campus ministers go through happens a few months before a student goes through a similar situation.

Actually, I think that's the case for anyone, if we take time to stop and reflect about our past experiences, not only for campus ministers. So in the past few days, I have seen how true that is. Some of the lessons I am learning and situations I have faced in the past 6 months are popping up in the students that I disciple on a regular basis.

What's cool, though, is that even though I have gone through something similar, I still don't all of the answers. When a student tells me something, I usual think to myself, "Wow, that's very similar to what I just faced, but it's also completely different. I have no idea what to do!".

And then in that moment, I pray, and ask God to give me wisdom as these students are looking to get a load off their chest and wanting some advice from me. In the end, it's a learning experience for the both of us. I learn what it means to give advice but also point people to Jesus. My students learn to experience their situations head on, with the help of God and someone they trust.

And I think that in the end, we all grow and benefit. We become more and more the individuals that God intended us to be.

An extravagent and outrageous Kingdom...

2009-11-24T11:47:00.003-05:00

If you read my last post, you probably would have sensed the desperation and the desire for me, firstly, and my students, secondly, to live out the Gospel that we believe in. Well, little did I know that this weekend, I would be given the opportunity to try it out.

Inter-Varsity is all about Scripture study and using the inductive method: observe, interpret, and apply. So that's the method that our supervisors' used to shape the training a bunch of us new staff received this weekend.

Observe: We looked at this passage and this passage over the weekend.

Interpret: We talked about how as staff, we have made the sacrifices and given up everything in order to pursue and follow the Kingdom of God. We also talked about how we spend a lot of time trying to pursue Christian students to live out their faith, when in fact, a lot of them are only interested in the title of being a Christian, they aren't totally interested in living the title out.

Apply: So after all this talking and these realizations, we went out randomly into the city and the campus and invited and compelled students to come to an awesome 3 part party that we were putting on. They had the opportunity to eat free food and win some good money if they participated in a scavenger hunt throughout the city and campus.

There's more to this story and what we all learned. Let's just say that it was such an eye opening experience and that I am excited to take what I learned this weekend, interpret it for my own campus, and then apply it.

I wonder too what happened to the people we invited, to those who were invited but declined, to those who were thinking of coming but didn't show up, or to those who came and were able to have a good time with us. Can you imagine what they told their friends when they talked about their respective weekends? How outrageous would their story sound, that they were invited to a party with free food, won money, and then hung out at a mansion by Lake Ontario?

And actually, that's how outrageous the Kingdom is. It tells us to invite people to a lavish party that we don't know and who couldn't repay us.

A reality check...

2009-11-18T23:10:00.003-05:00

This week, I am more aware of two things:

I want to invite students to really encounter Jesus for themselves, and not the Jesus we have made Him out to be. I want them to experience the Jesus that raises people from the dead, heals the lame, and turns empty stone jars into choice wine.
I don't know how to do that.

Luckily, God reminded me that He knows how to call people to that. I just need to be faithful and be bold when I am told. I am shy and I am afraid of what people will think of me, but I am tired of settling and asking students to join Bible study for the sake of numbers or having them study Scripture in a new and insightful way. I want to see changes, I want to see their lives transformed.

Why? Well, I am starting to believe that God isn't a God that was powerful back in the day when stories were recorded in the Bible. He is just as powerful today and wants to restore us!

Personally, I have sacrificed too much and gone in way too deep to call students to some surface level change. We're going all the way because God isn't content in filling us a little bit, He wants to fill us to the brim with the best things He can give us.

Oh Jesus, help us to live this out.

The joy of baking...

2009-11-15T15:18:00.003-05:00

This weekend has been a strange one. I didn't have any plans. I didn't need to go anywhere. I didn't need to do fundraising. I didn't need to go to Toronto.

So I took this weekend to do the things that I really enjoy, mainly music and baking. I felt inspired Friday night, to do some baking, but since I had a fundraising meeting, it didn't happen. Instead, I looked through all of my recipes, before I went to bed, to be inspired at making something new.

And let me tell you, I was inspired. When I got up Saturday morning, I made something that I had always wanted to make: scones. It's really not that profound, but it was something different and I really like bread. Anyway, I made it and I was shocked at how it turned out.

If only I had pictures, I wouldn't need to describe it, but the kitchen smelled heavenly and the scones were so light and fluffy. My housemates were amazed at my creation and within 24 hours, they were all gone.

This is just what I needed this weekend; a time to be creative in my food and try something different. It also was nice that my creation was absolutely delicious! Life has been exciting, but also mundane, over the past few weeks. I have also been dealing with my own brokenness, which has drained me both physically and emotionally.

Those who know me say that they can tell when something is wrong because I have no desire or creativity to cook or bake. And that definitely was true over the past 3 weeks. Yet, the creativity is back and my desire to make delicious food has come again with force.

So if you are able, take some time in the next week to do something you haven't done in a while. It can be stress reliving and life giving at the same time.

November's prayer for my students...

2009-11-10T16:50:00.005-05:00

It's that time of year, where midterms are happening, assignments are due, and students are just counting down the days to the end of school and when exams are done.

Every year, it's the same. And every year, I notice students caught in the feeling of barely getting by and not sure how they'll make it through the rest of the semester.

Here I am, not in school but working with students. Some days I am not mindful how stressful school can be, but today, I am very aware. So, if there is anything I can do for my students, it's that I am praying for them, that they will not feel defeated and overwhelmed, but that they will God's presence with them.

I know they will get through this stretch. I just want them to come out alive and thriving, not barely surviving. And my prayer is that in this time, they will stay just as committed to Jesus as when school is going well, ministry is thriving, and life is good.

In the end, when all of this is done, I hope that my students can look back and see how God was with them and how their relationship with Him strengthened in this time of hardship.

You can't have it all...

2009-11-05T23:01:00.003-05:00

Once a month, the staff and interns in our region come together for a day long meeting. We spend the morning studying Scripture and then apply what we have learned in the afternoon.

Today's topic involved what we studied back in August, the great ordeal that is described in Revelation 7. While we were studying that passage, we realized that everyone who is wearing white robes has gone through the great ordeal.

So today, we talked about what the great ordeal looks like, in practical terms, on campus. We realize that as campus ministers, we aren't only called to invite widely, we are to invite deeply (i.e. the great ordeal). So that's what we are doing, or attempting to do.

I realize that some of the asks I will present to my students will be hard. Yet, it is so worth it, to take those risks, to make those sacrifices, in order to find the treasure in the field that is worth everything.

I also realize that we can't have it all. We can't have our luxuries and our comforts and also do what God tells us to, especially when Jesus tells His followers that if anyone would follow Him, they will deny themselves, take up their cross, and then follow Him.

And from my experience in the past few years, wholly following Jesus is worth it. Yes, it means that you have to give your life away, but in return, you receive Life that you could not buy or create. It is the Life that makes you whole, it is the Life that is worth selling everything for.

Being involved in God's plans...

2009-11-01T22:14:00.005-05:00

I'm currently in Ottawa with my friend. We are visiting our friends and family, who happen to be campus ministers at Queen's University or the University of Ottawa. We have been travelling for the past 3 days, visiting everyone, getting involved in the ministry, and seeing the way that Jesus is working in these new places where our friends have moved to.

It is so exciting to see what God has done through these individuals and their students, already. It has only been 2 months!

Anyway, we were driving to Ottawa this morning. Since it was Sunday morning and we were driving, we listened to a podcast from a pastor who we heard speak when we were roadtripping in Chicago a few months ago.

In it, he was preaching about Acts 1 and how we need to live the church out. It isn't a building or Sunday morning. The church is the people. And if we want people to come and follow God, we need to live like we are the church. It was such a simple message and he proceeded to share stories of members in his congregation who lived like that.

There were so many reminders that made me think all day long, too numerous for me to include in this post. All I will say is that the sermon was simple and to the point, but it made me think again how I am being the church, how I am living out my faith to those around me. Instead of getting up in the morning and asking God to be a part of my day, I should be asking how I can be a part of what God is doing.

That is a radical shift in thought. If we would live for God, instead of living and asking God's blessing, I think the world would look a whole lot different. So it's something I am going to ask God to remind me about this week, that I live for Him, and not have Him live for me.

The awareness of sin...

2009-10-29T10:11:00.003-04:00

Over the past few days, I have become extremely aware of how God lavishes good gifts on us. But in our human nature, in our sin, we very easily turn those gifts into pretty bad messes. I have noticed it in my own personal life, in the lives of my friends, and in our world.

If the messes just ended there, I don't think I would believe in God. Yet, I believe, or at least, I'm holding out belief, that God can turn those messes and brokenness into something beautiful, into something restored and renewed.

God is in the business of taking the broken and making it beautiful. He is in the business of taking something or someone dead and raising it or him or her back to life. For a quick example, look at Jesus. Or, check out how Jesus raises Jairus' daughter.

So as the father of the demon-possessed boy said in Mark 9, "I believe, help my unbelief".

Blowing it wide open...

2009-10-22T22:50:00.002-04:00

There have been many pieces of Scripture that I have been studying. This week alone, I have looked at John 1.1-18, Ephesians 2, and Luke 4.14-30. I'm not sure if it's the theme of my life right now, or if I am making myself notice this, but in all these passages, there has been one major theme that has stood out to me: Jesus is expanding everyone's picture of who He is and what the Kingdom is.

I won't speak for anyone else but myself, but I notice that my picture of Jesus is just way too small. I believe him to be the One who has brought about redemption, but only in certain areas of my life. He couldn't possibly bring about healing and freedom to the broken relationships of my past. He couldn't be powerful enough to bring others to Himself.

Yet, when I look at all three passages, the message I get is that my picture of Jesus is too small and that I am hoarding Him for myself. He is for all peoples and all nations! He is the Good News!

And in all of this, I am seeing a bigger picture of how both the Old and New Testament are pointing to Jesus, how the Israelites in the Old Testament were supposed be a channel of God's redemption, and how the Twelve appointed by Jesus are the new way God is redeeming His people. Yet, this time, not by birth, but by Jesus Himself.

Scripture coming to life...

2009-10-14T22:05:00.004-04:00

I was leading a residence Bible study tonight. It's held on the 10th floor common room of the biggest residence at McMaster. I have had mixed feelings about this group. For the first 2 weeks, no one really showed up, so my leaders and I just baked cookies, prayed, and hung out with students from the floor who were studying or watching TV.

Despite the low turnout, we knew that God was calling us to lead this study, so we kept believing and praying that God would bring more people to us.

And tonight, it was so awesome to see how the parable of the sower was coming to life! We started off with a group of 6, all who I knew were coming. Someone walked into the common room, asked us what we were doing, and we told him we were studying Scripture. He was intrigued so he joined us and participated fully, until he had another commitment to go to and had to leave.

All night long, people came in and out of the common room. Some people were intrigued and would sit down, some were intrigued but declined to join us, and some people wanted no part of what we were doing and quickly walked out.

It was so fascinating to watch these responses. I can't wait to see who keeps bumping into us in the common room every week and the continued responses we get from students. It's going to be a fun Bible study to lead this year!

What a week...

2009-10-11T21:57:00.003-04:00

Although it's Thanksgiving, and I have a lot to be thankful for, I actually wondered when this week would end. It definitely has been one of the strangest weeks I can remember.

Numerous friends were dealing with a friend (who I didn't know) who passed away too soon. Another friend was dealing with the loss of a friendship. Another friend was dealing with a loss of a family member. Finally, one last friend revealed some pretty significant things about his/her life that has shocked me, but has also shown me God's redemption and desire for us all to be healed.

It has been interesting to ask God why all of this news/tragedy happened during the same week. He hasn't given me any answers yet, but it has made me reflect on my own brokenness and the sins that I have been carrying for a while. And in those reflections, I am reminded of God's message of love and how He wants us all to be honest with our struggles, so that He can give us true healing.

He is the doctor. And He isn't looking for the "healthy" to heal, He's looking to heal those who acknowledge their sickness.

In the Name of Jesus...

2009-10-06T15:22:00.003-04:00

Campus ministers are human too. We have our faults and forget the lessons that God has taught us. And sometimes, we need our students to remind us what the vision is and what God wants for His people.

I had a leadership team meeting with my KCF students last night and we had a great discussion about what it means to be leaders and how we can be intentional in spending time with people in the community. We talked about how we need to raise up the next generation of leaders for KCF, because most of these student leaders will be graduating. I affirmed these comments and told them that the mark of a good leader is how many other leaders he or she can raise up.

This morning, I check my inbox and one of my student leaders who was in the meeting yesterday mentioned how if all we do as leaders is raise up students for KCF, that is useless. We need to be raising up student leaders for the Kingdom of God.

What a revelation! It hit me pretty hard this morning, but it was God's gentle reminder that if I do anything in the name of Inter-Varsity, or Korean Christian Fellowship, it is futile and will lead to death.

So I am humbled and thankful to be reminded that all I am doing with my life is in the Name of Jesus and for the Kingdom of God. This is the way to life, for myself, for my students, and for all of us!

Being a community...

2009-10-04T13:43:00.002-04:00

This weekend, KCF had its yearly fall retreat. Last week, I wasn't sure if it was going to happen because not many people signed up for it. Yet, the leadership team decided it was still good to have it and treat it like a leadership retreat. And I am grateful that they made this decision because my instinct was to cancel the whole thing.

Anyway, I am so thankful that it happened because what came out of it was astounding. We were challenged on what it looks like to be a community that is diverse and growing, rather than a club that is homogeneous and stable. We were reminded that we have a choice to live our faith out, not only with our actions but with our words.

We remembered the simple fact that we evangelize not only by organizing evangelism events, but that in every single thing that we do, it should be an act of evangelism. We evangelize in humility, not our of the mentality that we are so much better than a non-believer, but that God loves the sinners and wants to bring healing to every individual. We share the Gospel out of the love, showing God's love to those around us, because God loved us first.

There was a lot that happened and I can't wait to see what God does among us this year. One thing is for sure, the 15 of us who attended are certain that God has a higher calling for KCF, to be a light on campus, especially for those who do not follow Him.

If you can, please pray that what we experienced this weekend won't be a great memory, but a weekend of God tugging at our hearts that will lead us into action.

The season of patience...

2009-09-28T16:24:00.002-04:00

Each new year of ministry brings a new area that God is working on in me. Last year, it was all about seeing myself rightly, the way that God sees me. Ultimately, He taught me about His love and how it doesn't change and isn't based on the good works that I do. He loves me for who I am.

This year, the word that keeps popping up for me is patience. I'm pretty certain this is the new lesson for the year. In my ministry, I'm learning what it means to set a vision that takes years to accomplish and patiently wait for it to come to fruition. In my personal life, I'm learning to sit and wait, allowing God to work in His timing to give me what He thinks is good, but not in this current time.

I'm also learning what it means to pray and hope for something big to happen to a campus and to a nation, so that individuals begin declaring the Good News of the Kingdom of God. One of my close friends and I have been discussing this in detail over the past week, and the passage that comes to mind is Mark 4.30-32, the one about the mustard seed.

The Kingdom starts small and is barely visible but in time, it grows to be the biggest of all shrubs. That's powerful, but it takes time.

Patience teaches me about God's faithfulness and how He will always provide, in His time. It also teaches me to have faith and hope in Him. In fact, the longer I wait for something good to happen, it makes me hope even more, making it all the better when it arrives.

So in this season of patience, I will go through many moments of impatience. Yet, in Him I wait, knowing the best is yet to come.

Inspiring change and transformation...

2009-09-23T13:56:00.003-04:00

I am currently on my housemate's computer, watching the inauguration of a new university that is opening in the Middle East. I have no idea what anyone is saying, because they are speaking Arabic. I am following along on Twitter, because there is a representative of the university translating the speeches.

Some of the things that people are saying are powerful and moving, that I must admit. The videos they have made and the music they are playing is inspiring. The lights show and the fireworks are captiving. It makes me feel like I am watching a movie, but it's actually happening in real life.

I wonder how it's affecting those who are there live and those of us who are watching the webcast. People are tweeting that they are crying and that the university has made some of the country's people proud.

What will these feelings make people do? That's something I'm wondering about right now.

The president of the university talked about what a great gift this university is and how lives will be transformed. It really has made me think, what do these human attempts lead us to? I am not being pessimistic, nor am I trying to stop anyone from trying to make this world a better place. I am reflecting on where these attempts will get us if they aren't grounded in the One who created the heavens and the earth.

Can true transformation come from humans? Or does true transformation have to come from the One who has the ability to change lives? I am going to stick with the latter.

So good attempt, new university. I am sure you will make a big name for yourself in the whole world over the next few years. Yet, as long as you do research in the name of the one who gave you the money to start this university, it will not be able to transform lives the way you hope.

But praise God, who can and who will transform us into the people who were meant to be.

He knows us...

2009-09-18T18:00:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, as a staff and intern team, we studied the Gospel of John. Over the next 3 months, we study John weekly as a team because this is the main passage of Urbana for this year.

As I was studying it yesterday, there were a few realizations that came to mind:

John baptized people, knowing he was supposed to baptize the "Lamb of God". Yet, he had no idea who the "Lamb of God" was. He was not told, "When this person comes wearing this, you will know He is the Lamb of God". Instead, he was told, "When you baptize the Lamb of God, the Spirit will remain on Him, then you will know He is the Lamb of God". This is profound because in order to meet Jesus, John had to keep baptizing, trusting God would bring Him eventually.
Jesus knows people deeply. When Nathanael first interacts with Jesus, He tells Nathanael that there is nothing deceitful in him. And Nathanael responds with, "How do you know me?". Jesus said something that just hit Nathanael in a way that he had to stop and ask what Jesus knew about him.
When Philip and Andrew encounter Jesus, they bring others to do the same, namely Nathanael and Peter, respectively. Something happens when the first two experience Jesus, that they have to tell others to meet Him for themselves.

I can see all of these 3 points applying to my ministry in so many ways. I also realized how little faith I have in believing that God knows people deeply, so that when they encounter Him, He will tug at them and ask the question that changes their lives forever. I have lost sight of that and I will be praying through what that means for me in the next few weeks.

God transforms lives. We just need to point people to Him.

Pictures of my new house...

2009-09-15T10:49:00.005-04:00

So this new house I live in is absolutely awesome. I don't feel like a student in this house at all, which is great, because I am not a student, nor or my other 4 housemates. Three of them are doing an internship with Inter-Varsity and one of them is starting a job as a physiotherapist in 2 weeks.

Anyway, I wanted to share with you the pictures of my new house. It is fabulous and I know God gave this house to us as a way to further the ministry we are doing here at McMaster.

You can see the pictures here. Or better yet, come and visit. We love having guests and feeding them some delicious food!

The high and low of transition...

2009-09-14T21:40:00.004-04:00

When there are significant transitions in our lives, we go through days where we are up and we go through even more days where we feel down.

Today is a day of feeling down and missing the things that are familiar: my close friends who hear me out when I have a hard day, a group of students who I can deeply influence, being able to connect with my close friends by either going into their bedroom or walking over to their apartment, and more than ever, my guitar.

In this moment of hardship, I still would not go back. I would not want everything to be the way it was last year because that would be taking the easy way out. Instead, I sit and reflect on my sadness, but also give thanks for the ways that God has been at work in my life.

I thank God for sending my friends away to new places so that they can further His Kingdom in another part of the province or the world. I thank God for a new group of students to share life with, and ask for patience and wisdom as I figure out how to model the Kingdom to them.

And I thank God that in this season, He truly is the only One who I can draw on. I have had my friends to rely on over the past year, but in this year, I strongly sense that God is calling me to Himself. So to You, I draw tonight, because You are the One I am living for.

And so it begins...

2009-09-09T22:14:00.003-04:00

Today was Clubsfest. It's the annual event at McMaster during Welcome Week, where all the clubs on campus have a table in front of the library and promote their club. Over the past few years, I have been at MacVCF's table since that is the fellowship I was a part of during my undergraduate degree and my first two years working with Inter-Varsity.

This is a new season, though. I am now a full-time campus minister with Korean Christian Fellowship (KCF), so I was at their table today. It was just another event that made the transition a reality. At points, it felt hard because I am working with a group of students that I am unfamiliar with.

At the end of the day, though, I am excited and thankful once again that God has called me to work with Korean students on campus. As I was walking home from a student event tonight, I had a new revelation as to why I have been called to work with them.

In due time, God's vision and reasons will become clear. For now, I will just follow Him faithfully, wherever He leads me. And right now, it's to be at McMaster and to work with KCF.

Sensing God through free lawn chairs...

2009-09-06T23:04:00.005-04:00

God has definitely provided for me since I have been born, but there have been some times where I sense it more than others. And lately, due to moving houses, I have been able to clearly see how God has provided for me.

First, my house is amazing. I was thinking in bed today how at my old house, the living room, the TV, and the dining room were all in the same room. In my new house, there are three spots for these three things: TV watching, living room, and dining room.

Second, all the furniture I have for the house has been provided to me by one of my staff partners, one of my friends who is doing an internship with Inter-Varsity at Montreal, and one of my closest friends who moved to do grad school in the Middle East. It's just so crazy to think that I haven't needed to spend much money to furnish this house.

Third, my housemate and I were cleaning the mini-deck we have in our house yesterday. As we were cleaning, we thinking how great it would be to have lawn chairs. Well, today, we went on an afternoon walk and we walked past a house that had 4 lawn chairs with a sign saying, "Help yourself". So we did. And it was perfect! We already had 1 chair at home and there are 5 of us living in the house.

All it needs now is a nice wash, and we're all set. Oh, how God is good.

Not settling for less...

2009-09-01T23:42:00.004-04:00

Since Saturday, I have been moving and unpacking boxes into my new house. It doesn't seem like it will end. I spent a few hours this evening clearing boxes out of my room, but when I walk around the house, everything is everywhere.

I like spaces to be neat and tidy, especially in my home. It feels hard to be living in a lot of mess these days, especially as everything around me is changing.

Yet, as I was in my old house picking up a modem and cable box, my supervisor reminded me of how good our new house is. We wanted to stay at my old house in Dalewood, but because we didn't know if we would have an internship until February, and the landlord wanted to know in January, we gave the house up to our students.

Looking back, this was God's way of helping us not settle for the lesser thing, in this case, a house. If we had found out in January, we would have settled for Dalewood. Instead, going through the riskier decision in giving up the house and having it unsettled for 5 months allowed God to show us that He had a better place prepared, which is so much better for ministry than my old house, and that house was already pretty good.

So I am fine with the mess in our new house because it is God's reminder to me that I just need to go through some uncomfortable moments to get the better thing He has in store for us. And indeed, it is the better thing.

Adventures on the lake...

2009-08-31T22:11:00.003-04:00

So last week, I went away with all the staff from Ontario on a 5 day houseboating trip. For those of you who have never heard of this before, it's a boat that you can sleep on. There are couches/beds, a table to eat at, a bathroom, and a mini-kitchen. There is a deck on top and a barbeque in the back. You drive around, go through lift locks, and hang out in towns. (Click here to check out some photos.)

It was a new experience for us and we had no idea what to expect, but it was a great staff getaway. We went away because it was our time to relax and celebrate. As a staff community in Ontario, we have worked hard over the past few years and our vice president felt it was time to celebrate and enjoy the company of one another.

It was clear that God wanted to bless us. The weather all summer hasn't been great. It's been rainy or cold. The week before our trip, there were such bad storms that tornadoes touched down. Yet, last week's weather was glorious. The sun was out and it was warm. It rained once, while we were sleeping, and when we woke up, the sun was out and the ground was dry again.

As I reflected on the weather last week, I felt grateful for God's gift to us. It did really feel like He was telling us that we worked hard and that we needed a time of relaxation and refreshing.

Parting is such sweet sorrow...

2009-08-22T16:44:00.003-04:00

Since my last update, I have been on vacation for a few days and helped two friends/Inter-Varsity staff workers move from their current places of work to their new home: Ottawa. And I'm currently back in Toronto for some intensive fundraising. As a result of these recent adventures, my trusty new car has racked up over 1600 kilometres in the past 10 days.

These 10 days have also been a shock to my system. The changes and transitions that I had anticipated for over 8 months were finally here. I was not looking forward to this week at all because it meant that two of my closest friends were moving far away.

I did enjoy my vacation because I was able to spend some quality time with one of these 2 friends and her whole family in one of the nicest towns in Ontario. Yet, it was bittersweet. Being with her signified that she would be moving to the Middle East in a week, to complete her Masters in Engineering. I had a blast, though, and made the most of every moment.

Then, the drive to Ottawa was surreal. The last time I drove there, several of us Inter-Varsity staff were exploring the city, as we prepared to send our fellow staff and dear friends to this city to kick start the Inter-Varsity movement at the University of Ottawa. That was 6 months ago.

Being in Ottawa made it a reality that my other close friend would no longer be working with me. Instead, he was called to be in Ottawa to help students faithfully follow Jesus. That was parting 1.

Parting number 2 came this morning. This was the goodbye I dreaded for days, for weeks, and for months. I wanted this day to come, but I didn't at the same time. At 8 a.m. this morning, I said goodbye to my close friend moving to the Middle East.

I am extremely sad to see her go because she has been an important part of my life over the past year. Yet, I am excited for her to go because we discerned together that God had called her to this place. So, as hard as this parting is, I am holding on to the knowledge that God is good and that His plans are perfect.

So my prayer is that God would work through both my friends and me, in the places we are, to bring glory to His Name.

To my favourite 5 year old...

2009-08-13T09:11:00.004-04:00

This is Ben. He is my supervisor's son and I baby sat him and his sister once a week this past year. He's turning 5 today and I can't believe it! I still remember when he was just 2 years old, and now he is growing up before my eyes.

Seeing Ben and Annika every week this year taught me a lot about parenting, myself, and God. We had fun playing cars and imaginary games together, but we also had times where I had to discipline him or endure with him during his potty training problems.

Even still, I love him dearly. He has taught me how no matter what he does or what happens, I will always want the best for him. And I think that's how God feels about me, especially in this year where I had to really understand what it meant to be loved by the Father.

Being a caregiver to him has given me the confidence to be a parent and reshaped the way how I will raise my children. It will be likely that my children will be raised in community, allowing others to experience what I did simply because my supervisor and his wife trusted me enough to take care of their children.

So Ben, happy birthday. My prayer for you is that you follow Jesus faithfully as you continue to grow up, just as your mom and dad have done and taught me to do over the past 3 years.

The great ordeal...

2009-08-12T22:52:00.002-04:00

We came together as a regional staff team today for a day long visioning time. We studied Scripture, of course, which shaped the way we will do ministry this year.

And what a passage we studied. It was no easy book. We looked at Revelation 7. It hurt my head trying to interpret the text, but we did come up with something pretty concrete and tangible that shaped the rest of our meeting and probably, the rest of the year.

The phrase that stuck to us throughout the day was the great ordeal. One of the elders ask John who the servants are and what they have done. John turns it around and tells the elder that he knows, which he does. The elder explains that the servants are people who have gone through the great ordeal and have had their white robes washed in the blood of the Lamb.

The great ordeal. It invokes images of a long process of going through brokenness. It makes me think that something happens that is difficult and hard, but that the servants go through it with others around them.

And in the end, these servants survive the great ordeal and have white robes. It can teach us a lot. It is a long process and journey for God to shape us and mold us into the people He intended us to be. It take a lot of effort and it is difficult, but it is so worth it.

The passage resonated with me because I know that I have suffered a lot in becoming a staff worker, but that I have also been blessed with a lot. So I will go through the great ordeal and call students into it because I know that it is life giving and that it is good.

Being an observer...

2009-08-11T23:56:00.003-04:00

As most of you know, I was asked by Inter-Varsity to transition into a new ministry, as of May. Korean Christian Fellowship (KCF) became a part of Inter-Varsity back in November 2006 but hasn't had any major staff attention over the past 3 years.

As KCF asked for more from staff, we knew that we needed to give them more. At McMaster, we have been involved more every year. We knew that in September 2009, they would need their own staff worker. And I was asked in December 2008 if I would consider transitioning into this ministry.

I easily said yes. God has increased my love and passion for Korean students and I really wanted to see them experience Him in a new and deep way.

Over the past few months, I have had troubles visualizing my role and what I need to do this year. It has been more apparent after returning from Central Asia, since I feel like I really have no idea of how to be a staff to these students.

It has been really neat, though, that as I have thought more about this over the past 2 weeks and acknowledged to God that I really need His guidance in this, He has answered my prayers.

I am pretty confident that I am just to be an observer this year, providing guidance to the students who ask for it, but that's basically it. I am in no place to change anything, unless my students decide that it's time for something to change.

It will be a test of patience for me. I have big dreams for KCF at McMaster, but I know it will take a few years to implement. So, I will just wait and be faithful in what God has called me to do this year.

God provides...

2009-08-09T21:23:00.003-04:00

On the way home from Toronto, I picked up my housemate. She was so excited to tell me about our new house, that she thought it might be good to drop by and see if anyone was home so that she could show me instead.

It looked beautiful from the outside. When we were inside, it looked even more beautiful! The main floor is big. There is a living room and a dining room off the kitchen. And there is counterspace! We have been suffering from the lack of counterspace for the past 2 years.

The whole place looks newly renovated and it looks grown up. The washroom is beautiful and so are the bedrooms. The basement has a huge recreation room that be used to host students.

The only downside is the basement rooms. They are small, the ceiling is low and it feels gloomy. Hopefully, the new landlord will fix it up in the next 2 weeks. Otherwise, I'm going to have devise a plan so that it looks nice like the rest of the house, since my two male interns are living down there. I want them to have a good experience of living in Hamilton!

This is a huge blessing because while I was away in Central Asia, the housing issue definitely came to mind. I would want to e-mail my housemate and my supervisor about it, but I often forgot. Now I see why. I didn't need to worry. God had it worked out all along. I remember getting the e-mail on Monday, July 27, 2 days before coming home, about the new house and how it was perfect for us!

And now, after seeing it with my own eyes, I agree. It is the house we needed and God knew that. I will miss my faithful house on Dalewood Avenue, but I am ready to move into this new house for the next year.

What to teach our children...

2009-08-08T23:34:00.003-04:00

Many thoughts are crossing through my mind right now. I had two great conversations with two different friends today, both of whom I have not seen for a couple of months. One has really stuck with me, though. It has to do with children. One of my friends is currently doing an internship with a church and working with the children's ministry.

She asked a question that I have thought long and hard about. Most Chinese parents' hopes for their children are that they do well in school, get a good job, and have stability in their lives. Yet, where is God in the picture?

It seems as though for parents, if their children go to church, their job is done. Shouldn't the primary role of parents be to teach their children to live for God and His Kingdom fully, even if that means that they don't get the best job and make the most money?

I know that parenting is hard. Having a bit of experience in it when I baby sit my supervisor's children, I know that it gets frustrating and complicated. Yet, there is something in me that knows that if we put God first and teach children to do the same, their every need will be met.

I have experienced this over the past two years. As I have followed God's calling on my life, He has provided everything for me, especially in terms of finances. I have not been in debt and every month, I have a bit left for my own fun and entertainment.

So this has made me think a lot today about children, their role in our churches, their role in society, and what God intends for us to learn from them. It seems like there is a lot to learn from children, especially since Jesus tells the disciples that they should receive the Kingdom like a little child (Mark 10.13-16).

Excessive generosity?

2009-08-06T23:16:00.005-04:00

When I am with friends and we need to spend money, we often find places where we can spend the least amount of money because we are either Inter-Varsity staff or recent graduates and have student loans to pay back.

We make the most of what we have. For example, when I go on a road trip with my friends, we pick somewhat nice hotels to stay at, but try to save money by eating one meal at fast food restaurants (usually lunch), bringing breakfast foods, and not spending money on attractions.

Instead, we create memories by taking funny pictures of ourselves imitating statues or creating mini-competitions. This year, we tried to ask as many people as possible if they needed us to take a picture for them. You know that feeling, when you all want to be in a photo but actually need a random stranger to take the picture, and then awkwardly ask if someone could stop their sightseeing journey to help you out. Instead of that feeling, we just offered ourselves and I think we were able to help 11 groups of people.

Anyway, some of my relatives are visiting from the States and they have no problem spending money to get what they want. They've taken me to nice restaurants and blessed me immensely through that. It makes me think, though, whether that's necessary.

Is money needed in order to have a good time? Do we need to be at the nicest hotels and eating the nicest food in order to have a good experience while taking a vacation or thanking relatives, friends, or donors?

Don't get me wrong. I am not cheap when it comes to blessing people. I get quite extravagant and spend money, but I try to do it wisely. Yet, is it possible to be too generous in our blessing of people, where we don't use our resources wisely?

It seems like this will be a question I will wrestle with over the next little bit.

The "in between" space...

2009-08-02T07:14:00.003-04:00

It was good to drive back to Hamilton yesterday. The roads were familiar and the people were familiar too. It didn't seem like I was away for 6 weeks. It really didn't seem like anything had changed, but I'm sure it did.

I was excited to see my housemates again. One of them, in particular, has become a really good friend this year to me and I was ready to tell him about my experience because I knew he would listen and understand.

Throughout the day, I couldn't quite figure out what was going on. It really felt good to be back home, but at the same time, it didn't. I went grocery shopping and I was in a huge rush. As I was pushing the cart on a mission to find all the items I needed, I stopped myself to think why I had to live my life in a hurry. Back in Central Asia, the pace is average. I feel that life in North America is fast paced; we're trying to jam in as much as possible in a day.

I really enjoyed seeing all of the Global Partnership team again and the students that didn't come with us. At the same time, though, it felt strange not to have the people I had grown to love and appreciate in the same room with us. And of course they couldn't be, because they either lived in Central Asia, England, or the Netherlands.

I sense that I will be in this "in between" space for the next little bit. I will be thankful to be home, but I will miss some of the people, customs, and food that I had grown used to. The community I left and now am a part of again, and the community I formed over the past month in Central Asia are important pieces of my journey with Jesus.

Now, all that needs to happen is finding a good balance between supporting the ministry from Central Asia and fully giving myself again to the community that I have been called, the Inter-Varsity community at McMaster, and incorporating what I experienced over the past month into my life back in Canada.

Noticing the differences...

2009-07-31T15:23:00.002-04:00

I left my parents' house today to go for a brief walk to run errands. It felt strange that the bottom of the trees weren't painted white. I could understand what people in the park were saying. I could read the street signs and advertisement signs on buildings.

When I went to the grocery store, I decided not to take an escalator or an elevator, but instead the stairs, since I have gotten used to walking up 7 flights of stairs at least 3 times a day. It was good to see familiar fruits and vegetables. It felt weird not seeing fruit and vegetable stands lining the streets and seeing people try to call me over to buy their produce.

It was strange that my deodarant cost only $2.81, instead of a few hundred tenge. It was strange that it was marked as $2.41. I had forgotten about the tax.

Instead of waiting for a bus to take me to lunch, I just hopped into my car and drove to my grandparents' place to take them out for lunch.

So right now, I can't figure out what I miss more: life here or life where I was for the past month. I think I enjoy bits of both and want to incorporate it into my life back in Canada. I really liked how I had to walk or take the bus everywhere while I was away. I definitely have become too dependent on my car.

I don't miss having 500-5000 tenge bills all the time. It made me feel like I was carrying a lot of money.

These are just some of the things I noticed today on my short walk. I'm sure more things will come up over the next few weeks.