As ministry enters into November, everything gets a bit crazy. Mainly, it has to do with emotions and lack of sleep. I find that everything feels more hectic, more stressful, and more pressing. When I take a step back, I realize that they are same issues but they are amplified because it's 2 months in.
I also realize, though, that this is the point where we can't hide our "stuff" so well. September is about meeting people, so we get to know them on a surface level. October is about getting into the swing of things, and brokenness is apparent, but it's still fairly well hidden. November is when everything breaks lose. Due to the lack of sleep, everything produces strong emotion and often, we act in ways we don't want to. This reveals a deeper character issue that God wants us to be rescued from.
I am prone to this myself. As I have taken the past 24 hours to slow down and think about the events of this week, I know that I blew a lot out of proportion. I acted on impulse and emotion, rather than on sound judgement. I need to reconcile relationships with some students and some housemates, all because I couldn't handle the events of the week and acted in a way contrary to my character.
It is a humbling place to be in, realizing that I need to work on myself as much as my students and my friends. And the character issue that I need work on? Well, again reminded me again that I like to be in control. I don't trust Him enough to know that He wants the best for me.
It's a good thing God does know better than me. He always knows.
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